#i gen just want a safe space but people keep taking the things i say a certain way and i really don't like it
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might not really do anything today bc im still really upset abt the anon flood i got earlier today bc i know full well how vile people can be if they go around spreading lies like that
#i gen might end up vanishing again for a few days but we'll see#i gen just want a safe space but people keep taking the things i say a certain way and i really don't like it#â
âș áŽÊᎠê±áŽáŽÊê± ê±áŽáŽáŽáŽ. â â Out Of Character âĄ
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Today Iâm thinking about a somehow equally nerdy navy medic with a crush on sweet Bob and Phoenix and hangman obsessed with trying to get these 2 to realise they like each other thatâs allâŠ
Hangman would be so amused, I think, and view it as his personal reality TV show. Maybe Rooster catches on because Hangman is staring awfully hard at Bob one day.
âWorking on a crush there, buddy?" Rooster asks, tilting his head in Bob's direction. "It's okay, you can tell me. This is a safe space."
âHuh?" Jake asks before he shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "No. But someone else is," he says, drawing the other man's attention to the way you're leaning against the wall, openly staring at their WSO. You're watching him so intently that it takes you a few tries to find your straw with your tongue. It's almost endearing how inept you are.
Then the two of them end up working together to help you get the attention of a clueless Bob and oblivious Phoenix. After a few mishaps, Hangman decides a direct approach is necessary because as oblivious as his two teammates are, youâre even worse.
Pairing: Robert âBobâ Floyd x Reader x Natasha âPhoenixâ Trace
Word count: 700
Rating: Gen. Humor and flirting.
Hangman first comes to you after you've finished the annual mandatory CPR training course for the pilots.
âLook,â he starts, leaning in close enough for you to get a whiff of his overpowering aftershave. Your nose wrinkles in disgust. âI get it, youâre a little inept at this whole thing but Iâm here to help.â
âOkay, buddy...I think I know way more about anatomy than you do,â you tell him, packing away the CPR dummies. His friend with the mustache coughs and Hangman arches one golden eyebrow looking bemused. It takes you a few seconds to realize what you said. Before you have the chance to feel embarrassed or over explain yourself, he speaks.
"I get it," he assures you. "But I was referring to your little crush on Bob and Phoenix."
âThat's not⊠what⊠you're crazy," you sputter, shaking your head. "You're way off base," you go on, internally freaking out because you'd been SO careful to play it cool and keep it on the DL. You were a consummate professional every time you interacted with Bob and Phoenix. Calm, cool, and collected. Smooth as butter.
"Uh-huh. There's no need to be shy, sweetheart. We're gonna help you get your man. And girl," he adds.
You're not sure if it's his insufferable smirk or the ridiculousness of the situation but your embarrassment fizzles out and you're left feeling more annoyed than anything else. Who did this guy think he was?
"First, Lieutenant Trace isn't a girl. She is a woman and an accomplished pilot to boot. Also, don't call me sweetheart. It's weird and creepy.â You poke him in the chest to drive home your point. "Also, you can tell Tom Selleck over there I don't need his help either."
âWoah, hey," the other man says, hands raised. "I'm just an innocent bystander here."
"What's your plan?" Hangman questions. "Stare at them some more?"
You scowl but before you can reply another voice interjects. âThis guy bothering you?â
Your freeze at the familiar voice, your surprised expression mirroring Hangmanâs. Phoenixâs dark brown eyes meet yours when you turn and oh god, she looks so effortlessly beautiful. You should reply with something witty and funny but itâs all you can do to stand there, slack jawed until you see Bob right behind her.
He offers you a bright smile and Phoenix touches your shoulder as she leans in to mock whisper, âHangmanâs not always the best at knowing when heâs not wanted. Like now for example.â
âWhat the hell is happening right now?â Hangman asks.
âAs entertaining as it was to watch you obsess over this whole thing, I decided the direct approach was easier for everyone involved,â the mustached man says.
âOkay, Tom. Youâre good people,â you finally say.
âItâs Rooster actually and I know. Such a good person,â he says with a wink, nudging Hangman.
âBye, Bagman,â Bob says, staring at the other man until he finally leaves with Rooster.
âNow,â Phoenix begins, fingertips dancing down your arm to capture your hand in hers. âWhatâs this about you having a crush on us?â
#robert bob floyd x reader#bob floyd x reader#Bob x reader#bob floyd x you#phoenix x reader x bob#phoenix x reader#natasha trace x reader x robert floyd#Natasha trace x you#natasha trace x reader#top gun fic#top gun maverick
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ohhh mr blue đ„ș such a sad but sweet songâŠdo you have a favorite character or any agere headcanons for them? todd and mr peanutbutter would be great cgs (although maybe not together or their kiddo would get stuck on a flaming rollercoaster hahaha), hollyhock is a trauma regressor and i think todd would actually be a flip bcs he does have that childish side to him and would enjoy expressing it with someone who wonât be mean or judge him about it and i think sarah lynn isnât a regressor necessarily but she never let go of her childhood dreams after everything she went through and when she had the time she would definitely like read space books or architecture books and stuff and imagine things differentlyâŠeep sorry for rambling hehe hope ur doing well
you never have to worry about rambling here firelight, when it comes to headcanons or interests i love to hear what you have to say! i know that its hard to find a space to share age regression headcanons for nicher fandoms/shows so i'd never want to dampen that enthusiasm. (and these are some AMAZING headcanons!! i especially love flip todd, i'm glad everyone agrees that he'd be a good cg but he is also the silliest guy. you are also 1000% correct, mr. peanutbutter and todd are a dangerously chaotic duo to keep a little one safe.) /gen
aa thank you for asking!! my favorite characters have always been princess carolyn, todd, diane, guy, and beatrice (for all the same reasons someone would like a "villain", she's a deplorable person and mother but a beautifully written and flawed character).
i realized i'd never fully put down my headcanons to notes before regarding the show, and if i wrote every single headcanon i had this post would be a novel so i made a chart/drabbles! have a wonderful day yourself and i hope you're staying safe.
personal headcanons/rambles under the cut, nothing formal but spoilers for the entirety of the show ahead:
i hope i got everyone, but these are the main ones!
caregivers:
guy
diane's cg, also a familial caretaker for sonny. just the best guy!!
judah
princess carolyn's cg! he is fully aware of how stubborn she can be when regressing to a teen and is just there to make sure she doesn't get hurt.
corbin
honestly one of the most stable cgs (/lh /pos),, in another universe he would've been beatrices' cg and supported her to get help for her trauma.
charlotte
mama cg all the way, she takes care of penny through her vent regression and truth be told her and herb used to be caregivers for bojack once upon a time.
biscuits braxby
a caregiver through and through, for some reason i used to daydream about her taking care of a regressor after the bojack interview and reassuring them that she would make sure they were safe.
ralph
personally, in terms of cgs i think ralph was princess carolyn's cg while they were together, and the role being taken over by judah once they get married as princess carolyn would be hesitant to regress around anyone else (vulnerability to her is scary!!)
vanessa
canonical mother for the win!! she just gives judgemental coworker that means well but would take care of someone if needed (but doesn't mean they're getting out of it without being teased a little)
kelsey
another canon mom!! she just seems really sweet and means well despite her firm demeanor when working.
flips (cg! lean): todd
beloved!! personally i don't see him as a parental caregiver, but definitely is one of the silliest and laid back caregivers out of the bunch. i could also see him regressing if the environment were relaxed enough but always in a middle headspace. herb
okay. hear me out. i just KNOW herb would've been a good caregiver for bojack along with charlotte, i've been thinking about this for a while now but i really think they'd have been such a healing dynamic for bojack as parental cgs. during that time in his life they were his favorite people even if charlotte knew about how awful he was.
rutabaga
i purely put him down for my friend who had talked about him being a caregiver,, i have no idea what she sees in him but to each their own. /nm /lh
flips
honey sugarman
ah yes one of the most tragic characters in the show. honey to me is a flip purely because i think she became an involuntary regressor after her lobotomy. i am purely going by headcanon than science but i assume losing so many of your functions as an adult would cause her to go to a more simpler state (either by choice or not) to forget the pain of losing crackerjack.
princess carolyn
my favorite flip (/j /lh) to me she already is a canonical caregiver when taking care of so many of the other characters in the show over herself (and being a mother to ruthie). but, if she truly trusts someone enough she'll regress a little to unwind and feel like she can take back her childhood after growing up WAY too fast with cutie and her siblings.
flips (regressor! lean) :
hollyhock
precious girl,, i can totally see her being a teen regressor or cool older sister as a caregiver, i almost was tempted to add her to the babysitter pile as well since her caregiving is a very relaxed style. she relies mainly on her dads for comfort (especially when having flashbacks from living with bojack) as well as having an accepting friend group to let her feel child-like around them.
paige sinclair
totally random and a hot take but i adored her character. she was just so passionate about her job and of course pushy but its the same reason we love princess carolyn. i think baxter would mainly be her caregiver but i think when she is caretaking her style is very whimsical.
pickles
my sweet girl,, totally a regressor with endless energy and interests to keep herself entertained. mr. peanutbutter would do his absolute best to calm her in most situations but after a while let her emotions run their course.
regressor:
bojack
i do not trust this man caregiving for anyone. (/hj)
i don't think he fully understands what regression actually is but tends to fall on habits of wanting someone to care for him and only truly regresses when in an emotional state that brings him back to childhood (aka vent regressing).
most of his long-term partners have seen a form of his regression and have taken on the role of a caretaker.
the only other person that has understood him in his regression without putting a name to it is diane. they're just naturally child-like at times and they don't mention it further than that.
diane
at first didn't understand the concept of regression and thought it was "weird" until researching "inner child healing" to help with her ivy tran novel series.
the only person she truly trusts to fully regress around is guy and he is more than willing to take care of her and make her feel loved and appreciated (she's his beautiful salad bowl /lh)
sarah lynn
my sweet girl pt. 2
even if she doesn't know what regression is i just want to give her a happy childhood,, she deserves to be an architect!!
the way she held herself in the that's too much man episode breaks my heart every time and therefore she is my child now!!
penny carson
my sweet baby girl pt. 3
charlotte is more than willing to be a caregiver/mama again, helps her work through the trauma and grief of what had happened between her and bojack but gives her the space she needs to feel in control of certain situations and then a gentle hand to hold her.
i also think penny wears her mom/dad's oversized sweatshirts to feel safe and comforted when having flashbacks.
beatrice
another character that deserved better!! and to have better coping mechanisms!!
loves to play with a very specific doll that she keeps close to her heart, as well as large elegant dresses that she loves to feel the fabric as she twirls and dances in
in an au that i have corbin and her got married, and though he can't heal her past he is a very stable figure in her life and assures her that she can in fact open her heart to loving again.
babysitters:
mr. peanutbutter
i believe he genuinely wants to help when others regress and becomes extremely enthusiastic about hearing that you can be tiny around him, but is nowhere near responsible enough to be an actual caregiver.
just as distracted as the little one, and just as easily persuaded to get them what they want
anna
will watch a regressor if they paid her (/hj).
was bojack's babysitter in-between takes of secretariat, but wasn't a lasting relationship.
keeps him in line when he becomes fussy or throws a tantrum, but ultimately forgets to also reassure him and that leads to further emotional outlashing.
crackerjack
beatrice's big brother babysitter!!
at least once in his life he's snuck her an ice pop/ice cream to let his little sister have a taste.
wanda
a positive and fun-loving babysitter, was possibly one of the kindest caregivers that bojack had when regressing (and also the one that let him get away with the most).
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Tis I the Jester! Ey/em and Xe/xem/xyr + (more under cut)
This is a sideblog I use as a 'pseudo main' as my main blog (@/thecourtjester12) is a DCA blog. (Main blog found here.)
This blog is a LGBTQIA+, Neurodiverse, and Systems safe space!
No bigotry, racism, sexism, ableism, TERF's, aphobia, syscourse, and anything else possibly missed. All in all be nice to each other and respect others please!
The Jester is Atertiary (spec.) And may not always use the /p tone tag but am ok with it being used towards me even when I don't use it.
PLEASE be direct with me (tone tags are helpful, but in gen just be direct about things like if you want to be/consider me a friend, if you are or aren't comfy with something, etc general rule just be direct it would be GREATLY appreciated.)
ABOUT.
I post art, and written stuff on occasion, reblog fandom stuff and things that interest me which is very all over the place and shenanigans with friends/familiars//moots.
Titles vary. I have a few misc blogs for different things (fandom RP blogs, au blogs, slendlr blogs, etc.) And sometimes cross reblog stuff between blogs.
ASKS and Extra's.
Asks are open, so feel free to send me some, I like to answer them. General rule be nice, no bigoty/hate/etc. Not fond of swearing but some is fine, just no slurs (and tone tags would be appreciated.) Nothing NSFW.
I do make userboxes, feel free to ask about them.
Things you can request and links to more info
Slendlr Flag Icons! (These are like requests/free commision doodles :3) OPEN.
Slendlr writing prompt asks (These are just an ask game for writing prompts but I do em with slendies!) OPEN.
Userbox requests/free commisions (Like the ones in my pinned above!) link and more info added later
If I'm doing a random thing for doodle/writing request/suggestions/etc there will be a link here to whatever it is! (Non currently request wise at least only surprises.)
Additional links and info under the cut.
TAGS LIST.
#jcposts - General posting tag
#jesteranswers - Ask tag
#jesterdraws - Art tag (some things have specific tags for fandom or non fandom works)
#jester writes - Writing tag
#jcrambles - General tag used for rambles and thoughts. Anything not tagged with the general tag.
#jestercodesbadly - Coding tag when applicable.
Things will also be tagged for CW's as needed
LINKS.
A03 main.
Artfight.
ADDITIONAL INFO.
PRONOUNS!
Ey/em/eir/eirself, Xe/xem/xyr/xemself
pink/pinks/pinkself (strictly lowercase), Xey/xem/xeir/xemself
Anddddd they/them/their/themself or none (just name or 3rd person like 'the Jester')
I like them being used interchangeably, go wild!
I don't mind being tagged in tag games/picrews, may take some time to answer them.
Please do not send me the ask chains, they get repetitive (and not in an enjoyable way.) and are distressing. (Ex. send this to X people that make you happy, say 5 things you like and send to X people keep the chain going. Those types of asks.)
Dm's are open, I do not mind them but may take some time to answer. Just please don't be inappropriate.
I have discord as well as a Simply Plural. You are welcome to ask for either and if we are comfortable enough with you, I will give you the information to 'friend' on them.
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Tis I the Jester! They/them and Ey/em + (more under cut)
This is my main blog for the DCA fandom my pseudo main for anything else (@/jestersdlc) can be found here.)
This blog is a LGBTQIA+, Neurodiverse, and Systems safe space!
No bigotry, racism, sexism, ableism, TERF's, aphobia, syscourse, and anything else possibly missed. All in all be nice to each other and respect others please!
The Jester is an Atertiary (spec.) Autistic, Adult. And may not always use the /p tone tag but am ok with it being used towards me even when I don't use it.
I use the terms Friend/Familiar and moots interchangeably along with the term Dove as a platonic (or general) endearment.
PLEASE be direct with me (tone tags are helpful, but in gen just be direct about things like if you want to be/consider me a friend, if you are or aren't comfy with something, etc general rule just be direct it would be GREATLY appreciated.)
ABOUT.
I post art and writing to do with the DCA's and my own DCA Au's! Along with reblogging stuff for the DCA fandom (and occasional tag games when I get tagged on here.)
I love the DCA and the DCA fandom so I may occasionally reblog a lot but most stuff is queued! (Everyone's art and written works for canon and fanon of the DCA's is awesome!)
I have many Au's, most with outdated masterdoc's but you can find out a bit more on them from our old pinned post (Found here!) or you can send an ask about them! (Current Au focus is LSAU (The Lonely Star Au)
ASKS.
Asks are open, so feel free to send me some, I love to answer them. General rule be nice, no bigoty/hate/etc. Not fond of swearing but some is fine, just no slurs (and tone tags would be appreciated.) Nothing NSFW. Can be about au's, the DCA or anything in general as long as it's not inappropriate!
Questions are welcome.
I do make userboxes, feel free to ask about them! (Most of the one's above are made by yours truly!)
Additional links and info under the cut!
TAGS LIST.
#jesterposts - Any and all posts, general tag!
#jesterdraws - Any and all drawings, sketches, all art stuff (old tag was #jesterdoodles)
#jesterwrites - Any and all writing posts, be it wips, sneak peaks and finished works for A03 that are DCA/DCA au themed!
#jester rambles - Just random rants and tangents and whatnot that are just me rambling on whatever, anything that doesn't get tagged with the main gen tag will be tagged with this!
#jesteranswers - Ask tag!
Things will also be tagged for CW's as needed
LINKS.
A03 main.
Artfight.
ADDITIONAL INFO.
PRONOUNS!
They/them/their/themself and Ey/em/eir/eirself and none (just name or 3rd person like 'the Jester')
Xey/xem/xeir/xemself, xe/xem/xyr/xemself, andddd pink/pinks/pinkself (strictly lowercase) pronouns
I like them being used interchangeably, so go wild!
I don't mind being tagged in tag games/picrews, may take some time to answer them. But would rather generally be tagged on out Pseudo main (but it's ok if you tag this one instead! ^-^)
Please don't send me the ask chains, they get repetitive (and not in an enjoyable way.) and are distressing. (Ex. send this to X people that make you happy, say 5 things you like and send to X people keep the chain going. Those types of asks.)
Dm's are open! I don't mind them, but may take some time to answer. Just please don't be inappropriate!
I have a discord as well as a Simply Plural. You are welcome to ask for either and if we are comfortable enough with you, I will give you the information to 'friend' on them. I'm not the most chatty with people on either unless I know you really well!
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More info
I'm watching autism documentary #3. In a different key - it's interesting. Listened to five or six embracing autism podcast today. Talked to the special ed consultant. She was helpful.
She said they will recommend:
1. A SEIT (Masters degree special ed teacher) to do individual time with him for up to ten hours a week in his current class. She said all public schools should also have an OT, PT and a speech pathologist that he could see.
2. A 8:2, 10:2, or a 12:2 special ed class. They will provide all services including ABA therapy. The evaluator mentioned this on Friday so its mostly what I'm expecting they recommend.
Special ed consultant recommended if they give us the special ed school we should take it. They would bus him there. We will try to do a tour before our IEP meeting.
Unless the tour is super impressive at this point I would prefer to keep him in his current setting with the SEIT support. Our family prioritizes community/family highly. Both things would be given up/down played if we send him out of our community and without his sisters. Of course, we will do that if he really needs it but I don't see why we wouldn't at least try keeping him here. Everything says the least restrictive placement is best.
It helps that when I asked the assistant teacher how he is doing today she got a big smile on her face and said "He is doing great. He's playing, eating and sleeping. He's so funny." It made my heart so happy. Of course, he would still be great even if his teacher didn't see it. It's just really nice to know he's showing off his amazing self to others. He's high maintenance but he's so, so, so great.
It feels like whiplash going from fighting for two forty five minutes of OT per month for over a year to discussions of 10-30 hours of individual therapy at a special ed school to his gen ed teacher saying he's doing great.
Even if we don't follow her advice I appreciate the special ed consultants information. The only thing I didn't like was when she brushed off my questions about diversity of the student body in school options. She said it didn't matter. She did go on to say the priority at age three needs to be getting him the services he needs. Which makes sense. I would have appreciate that explanation with a "I know it really sucks but right now you can't prioritize that need because the special ed services are currently more important." Instead of claiming it doesn't matter. At some point we may not be able to prioritize finding a place with kids/teachers that look him, or a place in our lovely community or a place with his sisters. That doesn't mean those things aren't important. Those needs don't go away because he has special needs. The documentary is now featuring African American families of kids with autism. It's validating my concerns.
Researching ABA therapy. I don't even know what they would try to get him to do. He's not safe when he runs full speed without looking forward. When he's in a big crowd he gets all amped up and his body gets out of control in unsafe ways. I'm attaching a picture of the first day of school as an example. He was super excited to see everyone so he's movements increased tenfold. I would love to get him help with those things. I watched videos of ABA and don't know what they would do to help him through either of those issues? I'm reading the criticism's. I would like to see how its implemented in schools. I want to better understand what they are offering.
Let's see how the speech appointment goes tmrw. Its an hour train commute each way. Blah.
It's supposed to rain during Bee's park Birthday party. We can move it inside but its not ideal. Not really enough space for fifty people.
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20 questions for fanfic writers!
Tagged by @aintgonnatakethis đ
How many works do you have on AO3? 46
What's your total AO3 word count? 213 147
What fandoms do you write for? My big two are stargate (any and all. Mostly sg1 and sga though) and csi. Though my ao3 says my most posted fandoms are smallville and spn, and that's technically correct, from the svnatural crossovers. There's a couple other shows thrown in there too but we won't get into my whole writing history and future rn
Top 5 fics by kudos:
The thing about a fantasy (csi, G, CathRick)
Beautiful disaster (sga, sg1, T, Gen.)
Keep me safe (sg1, G, Sam/Daniel)
Take me back into your arms (sg1, T, Sam/Daniel)
Morning person (sg1, G, sam & daniel)
Do you respond to comments? Not always, but no that if you've left a nice comment I'm grinning like an idiot each and every time I read it. I love them.
What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I feel like I don't write a ton of angsty ending so I might have to say so much for normal (also my 6th fic by kudos). It ends basically how spn starts, so yeah.
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Oh so many but I think the ultimate one has to be take me back into your arms. Nothing like a reunion after coming back to this mortal coil
Do you get any hate on fics? Thankfully no (knock on wood)
Do you write smut? No siree. Not my wheelhouse
Craziest crossover? I basically started by writing crossovers, but the wackiest is definitely the Jason Teague & Dean Winchester are twins fic. Thanks @morrison-the-ii once again
Have you ever had a fic stolen? I hope not!
Have you ever had a fic translated? Not to my knowledge, but I'd allow it!
Have you ever co written a fic? I've bounced ideas with various people, but never actually wrote with anybody
All time favourite ship? I'm not sure tbh. My unhinged svnatural SamLois era was very fun and am still much a fan of Sam/Daniel fics. But one it always seems to come back to writing for me is the brotp between Sara and Nick. They're such a great dynamic to work with and I truly missed writing all csi but especially them so much. Bonus answer Clois, but I don't think I've wrote anything for them. Or at least not anything beyond a ficlet
What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have this saving hope doc I've had for over a year that was meant to be a role reversal of the series finale (meaning its Alex because I like to be even more depressing apparently). The doc is still empty to this day and I honestly think itll stay that way but let's be real nobody wants that anyway I know I really don't đ. Could also say csi road trip fic but I'm damned and determined to write that one
What are your writing strengths? Characters and dialogue. I love characters and I always feel like I have a good grasp on each of them and can keep them in character as much as possible
What are your writing weaknesses? Any kind of creative descriptors.
Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I doubt I'd personally try it, but I mean if you want to, I don't see a reason not to
First fandom you wrote in? First fic I ever started was Resurfacing (csi, M, gen.) First fic I posted however was the original version of hear it from me (svnatural, G; Clois & Sam)
Favourite fic you've written? Do you know how hard this is? I might have to go with special occasion (svnatural, G; gen.) Just because of how excited I was for that idea combining the best of both worlds. But another one I'm proud of for some reason is just maybe (we'll be alright) (sgu, G; TJ/Young). I don't often feel great about my scene setting and emotion but I like to think I hit the nail on the head with that one
Tagging (no pressure): @sga-owns-my-soul @jencsi @ilkkawhat and @space-helen
But please also feel free to jump on if you see this!
#tag games#sorry for tagging the same people in every writing game i just. can not keep straight who writes and who doesn't
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Hi! Hello! I hope you don't mind being anonymous, as I don't feel comfortable with revealing my identity but I'm a flip (cg-lean) taking on a roll of cg for someone precious to me. I'm quite new to this experience as a whole since this discovery was quite recent on my end. Despite not in the same exact situation as implied, your recent post really resonated with me.
From what I can gather, I think there's a lot of pressure put upon cgs to be perfect. And not a lot of safe spaces/support groups that gears towards them and THEIR needs, as most spaces that had the intention of doing so are infiltrated with littles who are looking for a CG.
Nothing wrong with that of course! I know it's hard to cope alone and that's completely valid. However, as a cg myself, it feels isolating. Especially when you're new, don't know a lot of people who could point you to the right direction, and doing this long-distanced.
I love my little. Both when they're big and when they're small. But I feel self-conscious because I also struggle a lot; such as generalized anxiety disorder and fear of abandonment, due to the general consensus most of the community have that cgs should be perfect. This doesn't get in the way when I take care of them ofc â I'd say that caring for them is one of the things that stabilizes it. But as a cg, do you think these are okay to suffer from? And is it appropriate to communicate this with my little/partner or is it something I should work on my own? I don't want to scare them away or think I'm unreliable and I wish I didn't suffer from these conditions either, but we're only human I suppose.
Thank you so much for your time!
Hi hi fellow flip with a cg lean!!
First of all, I'm so sorry you resonate with my post, but at the same time, I'm glad you now don't feel so alone!
Please dont feel like you can't message/ask/post a question to me, and I'll answer it the best I can! I am experienced in this sort of thing hehe /not bragging /gen
As a cg, I 100% think it's okay to struggle with any mental or physical sicknesses! I'm disabled and mentally ill, and that doesn't make me any less of a caregiver, and it doesn't make you less of a caregiver for struggling with your mental health! I also 100% think you should communicate this to your little/partner!! Try to have the talk when they are big tho, I think that will help keep the conversation open and much less emotional (not that there is anything wrong with being emotional, my point is, is that it will help things to stay calm). Always remember, you are a cg because you love this person, and because it makes *you* happy. Your happiness and stress relief is just as important as your littles happiness and relief!
If you talking about your struggles scares them away, then they don't deserve you!
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Blog Rules + FAQ
I've been wanting to make this for a while because I feel like some of you don't have manners (I'm talking about you anons 1-8) and it's hurting those who I'm trying to accommodate (and me ??? bc y'all annoying as fuck, go suck a cactus)
this list will be updated as i go so please refer to this post if you ever want to know something regarding this blog
I don't have many rules bc honestly, this blog is both a joke and a safe space. but the most important rules that I implement are :
the anonymous function is there to accommodate those who want to interact but don't want to reveal themselves or don't have their own account so they borrowed someone else's account and just do not want to out themselves. so, if you have any complaints, comments, critiques, writing suggestions or even straight up hate comments, do it to me off anon or else that's you giving me your consent to absolutely obliterate the fuck out of you and I'm not even kidding when i say i can be SO MEAN when i want to be
that being said, if you do have genuine questions or confusion or even want me to elaborate on some things, do consider the words you use and their connotations. there's a difference between "i don't think this makes sense" and "i don't quite understand this, what does this part means?" or "you're offensive" and "i feel like the word you use is rather insensitive" and I would GLADLY make a 2 page essay to explain my thought process because i know that sometimes the things i say can rub some people the wrong way even though i don't mean it. but for the sake of the shit i wrote like to imitate real conversations between characters esp in terms of like how close and comfortable they are with each other (the kind of relationship hey have), I'm risking myself offending some of you but that's why i am beyond willing to explain myself if y'all ask bc let's be honest, i can't post an explanation after EVERY post when no one is complaining.
tone indicators (/j, /hj, /gen, /affectionate) are never wrong esp if you and i haven't established a relationship bc there are some anons and some blogs that i interact with a lot and we are aware of our relationship alr
keep in mind that these rules exist to protect myself and the anons who genuinely do want to interact with my blog as anons. if you break any of my rules or if you cross me in any sort of way, i have god, an emoji creature that creeps the fuck out of everyone i know, and the fact that I'm a virgo with nothing to lose on my side, so you WILL get wrecked one way or another.
that being said, here are some of the FAQs i got.
q. do you do requests?
a. no, i'm not taking requests. between my series and the recurring ideas that randomly pops up in my head, i don't have the time and energy and frankly i don't want to disappoint. BUT !! if someone sends me an unsolicited request and it ended up inspiring me, i might do it but i'm not promising anything
q. do you only write for ateez?
a. rn yes, but it seems like I'm gonna start writing for xikers ??? and even though most of their members have reached legal age, i am currently not comfortable writing mature/rated stuff for them yet. rn I'm even still incorporating them into my ateez fics as to familiarize myself and i even have this baby!xikers and dad!ateez au thing i made with my friend so for now, that's the best i can provide
q. do you write yandere or darker themes?
a. it depends. i'm still struggling to label certain stuff ??? like i'm still familiarizing myself to the concept of CNC and kinkier stuffs and I'm still expanding my knowledge. that being said, i draw the line on the sexualization of : rape, incest, drugging, bestiality, (and more to be added bc ngl i can't think of anything else rn so I'll get back to you on that)
q. are minors allowed to interacy with your blog ?
a. absolutely, anyone is welcomed. but for the sake of safety and me not being cancelled, if you are a minor, please do not react with my mature stuff or the mature stuff i reblog. I'm putting a lot of trust in yiu guys so please DO NOT betray my trust
q. what apps do you use for your smau ?
a. i use Twinote and Fake Chat which are on android (google play) but idk if it's available on apple store
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sorry to bother you but I'm confused, your DNI has both pro and anti shippers in it so I'm not sure what you mean by that? I figure maybe it's because you're using a different definition of those words or something? Proship means fiction is harmless and actions people take are unrelated/their own responsibility/fault so anything can be portrayed in any way as long as it's fictional, antiship means harmful things shouldn't be portrayed in a positive light on fiction because it will bleed into reality via subconsciousness of readers and lead to bad actions. They're stances on censorship and how the human brain responds to fiction. They're not wether or not you personally ship problematic things or something. Excluding both of them leaves...no one, because both veiws on fiction are outlawed. Knowing this, that line in the DNI is confusing for me because I don't know wether or not I can interact at all, and also it just doesn't make sense. Do you have anything to say on this or like, clarification on why it's written like that and what you mean? Thank you so much in advance /gen /nm
My, what a hefty ask *cracks knuckles*
So, yes in my DNI I have Pro/Com shippers (which I'm loosely using interchangeably since one definition is "it's okay it's not real" and the other is "it's okay" period) and antishippers which as you stated is being against showing serious/harmful topics in media on a positive light
The biggest reason I have Antishipping in there was mostly because my definition of it was more towards people who were against shipping in fandom spaces because I'm a big multishipper and I didn't want someone coming onto my page and bashing me for that, just as a way to keep me safe and not have to deal with that kind of drama
The definition you brought up o wasn't aware of, but I'd like to talk about it and specifically the way you said that excluding both Pro/Com and Antishippers leaves no one left which,, I'm not sure it's true
Correct my if I'm wrong but one side is saying "shipping problematic stuff is cool and doesn't reflect poorly on the person behind it" and the other is saying "don't put problematic ships in media because it reflects poorly on the people behind it and influences the the people interacting with it" which,,, I dunno how much I believe one side over the other
Which is a running trend with me lol
Anyway, on the hand I said I don't want to interact with Proshippers and Comshippers because the way I've known it is they ship things that they enjoy that are highly frowned upon. I don't wanna interact with these people because they often ship (trigger warning ->) zoophilia, pedophilia, necrophilia, etc. and, well, as someone in the EW community, it's a lot more prominent than you'd think unfortunately
But at the same time I'm a big advocate for "we should be able to write about anyone and everything in media", for example: the German movie simply titled "M"
It's a movie about a very serious topic of child murder, which isn't exactly shipping but I'm using it as an example, but never have I ever thought that the creator of this film liked child murder
I think that, if a topic is done correctly add respectfully, we should be able to write about anyone and everything in media
Not to say I want fully detailed scenes of unsavory things, like I said doing it RESPECTFULLY, because it's important to talk about and show uncomfortable topics and toxic relationships and their negative connotations, that they happen and the journey that is
Now this isn't done spiel of me trying to say "erm actually I'm right you're wrong", I'm just trying to explain my place in all this
TLDR; I have a different definition of Antishippers but I don't necessarily agree with the definition you brought to my attention
I'll clarify which Antishipper definition I mean tho on my list so there's no confusion :)
#jay answers#jay talk#jay explains and hopes they aren't getting cancelled over this oops#my bad anon
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I might get canceled for saying this, so I apologize in advance. But I am no longer answering asks about Gaza and Palestine. Especially when thereâs active genocide in the US as we speak.
There was recently a shooting in Georgia. My first college PE class was a self defense class where I learned how to disarm guns. I truly believe we are one election away from a dystopian nightmare where we pay with the blood of our children.
They get rid of phones in schools so that we canât call our loved ones to tell them our goodbyes. My art class teacher immediately pointed out where to hide from a school shooter. And my class is at 6-9 at night in Southern California.
Meanwhile, states are trying to take away any rights that donât belong to cis hetero white men. Theyâre trying to make being queer a sex crime and punishing those sex crimes with death. Conservative white men want to create a fascist nation, and once they get into power they will be unstoppable. Sure things might be bad in Gaza and Palestine, but theyâll get a lot worse if Trump gets elected.
Go ahead and cancel me for saying this, but when weâre one election away from being in a state of total fascism and genocide against queer people, we canât really focus on issues abroad like Palestine.
I donât want to have to fear going to school and create a playlist I have to listen to in my final moments due to being shot for being queer. I donât want to have to sleep with one eye open.
The right just wants more workers to oppress. They want to keep money in the greedy talons of the dragons that they feel should control society. They lie through their teeth and spread hate, misinformation, and hoaxes with the STDâs they give to the women they screw over. They scapegoat whoever they can to draw attention to so that they can keep the heat off themselves. If Trump gets elected, nowhere is safe. You may think that you can simply move out of the country, when thereâs bigots everywhere that can rise to power now that theyâre emboldened by Trump. Alberta Canada is already trying to pass anti-lgbt bills.
We are witnessing the active attempt to eradicate morals from society in the name of a false god. Actually decent healthcare, shelter, food, water, and safety is actively being taken away from people in our own country. Many of them are disabled. Many of them are queer. Many of them are women.
Another thing, you know how teachers are complaining on how far behind Gen Alpha is? And how bottom of the barrel content farms that show violent and pornographic content gets targeted to kids? Also notice how overstimulating some of these videos are (Iâm looking at you, Cocomelon.) Meanwhile, KOSA is just trying to ban queer spaces and trying to keep people in abusive relationships. Itâs late stage capitalism at its finest. So many people are suffering.
We canât just focus on whatâs happening in Gaza when our own kids canât seem to get off their screens and read. Iâd be damned if itâs found out that those shitty content farms that leech off of indie projects are in line with rich white conservatives that want to eradicate literacy to breed the ultimate worker for their own twisted purposes.
I know that last paragraph was controversial for me to say as an aspiring content creator, but I truly believe that there can be a way for content creators to exist in this world without making illiterate kids. There should be regulations in place that keeps young children off of highly addictive platforms such as TikTok and YouTube shorts. There should be better systems in place for content creators that emphasizes quality over quantity. Bring dislikes back. There is room for genuinely creative content creators to grow and share their platform, whilst keeping the scum away from vulnerable kids. Thereâs a place for porn on the internet, and it should be kept away from kids.
In synopsis, how can we focus on Gaza when there is active genocide in our own country and active attempts to create denial. Hey furry hackers, maybe target those content farm channels next! I betcha my soul youâll find that the algorithm that YouTube and TikTok praises so much thrives off of feeding kids stupidity as some grand master plan by the possibly conservative white male CEOâs that want to keep kids stupid and poor just to keep brainwashing propaganda onto them. Where is critical thinking skills and basic reading comprehension?
Wow. This turned from a rant on school shootings to my unbridled hatred towards content farms and how fucked up Gen Alpha is. Iâve definitely been chronically online for too long. But yeah, the YouTube algorithm supports shitty content and hates genuinely good content. Sponsorships are only helping genuine creators so much, as well as genuinely good merch. And AI will only make things so so much worse.
I have a project for the furry hackers. Attack generative Open AI. (Yeah, Iâm prolly gonna quit Figgs AI because Iâm feeling hardcore AI addiction again. Itâs hurting my ability to create content. The siteâs dying anyways.) And attack content farms too. Maybe itâs time for me to get into IT. Gonna look at computer classes. It canât be too hard, right?
I may be either spewing a shit load of nonsense with the content farm shit, or Iâm hitting the nail on the head. But there goes my ADHD. But yeah. I canât answer asks on Gaza anymore. I am so sorry if I let people down because of this.
#Iâm so sorry#Iâm exhausted#queer#actually audhd#feed the machine#foaming at the mouth#tw guns#fuck kosa#fuck MAGA#fuck project 2025#vote for democracy#protect women#protect children
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Let's Be Real
"Are you on BeReal? You can post real photos to real friends," a student suggested. "With BeReal, you can express yourself authentically and connect with others without feeling that they judge you," the student continued. Due to the fact that I don't post "fake images to fake friends," I didn't need to "be real," but what the heck? I just joined to see what Gen Zs love about it. I don't get why we have to take (usually) unflattering selfies in front of closets, walls, and desks.
Authenticity and individuality are big things for Generation Z. BeReal encourages users to be vulnerable and build meaningful connections through features like journaling, anonymous sharing, and personal growth challenges. The app also provides a safe space for users to talk about their emotions and thoughts due to its focus on mental health and self-care. This makes BeReal's impact on this demographic palpable. BeReal resonates with Gen Z's values and beliefs because it's about being true to yourself, embracing your uniqueness, and rejecting societal pressure to conform. Young people are encouraged to live their lives with purpose, pursue their passions and dreams, and to be unapologetically themselves by this movement. Not to sound too judgmental, but we are talking about the same generation that idolized personas on Instagram and Tik Tok with all of their "bad habits" to filter, edit, crop, and post content to gather likes and monetize "fun".
Does this mean all social media apps post fake stuff? Well... No, all other social media apps don't (always) post fake content. Some users may feel pressured to present an idealized or curated version of themselves, rather than allowing authenticity and vulnerability. Unlike other social media sites, BeReal focuses on genuine self-expression and connection, while other platforms might emphasize likes, followers, and curated online personalities. That being said, the use of social media is subjective and everyone experiences it differently.
My previous article questioned the copycat culture of social media. Most of the content "creators" try to either copy a successful dance/challenge or comment on other people's videos. I find it utterly boring and non-creative, but apparently, joining such trends brings followers and eventually income. This is why it is critical to encourage creativity and originality by recognizing and rewarding original content that goes beyond simply replicating trends. For now, BeReal doesn't seem to be a platform to monetize content, but give it time. Originally Instagram was about capturing the moment, but now it's the land of whateverness.
Even though I'm not saying anything novel, it's helpful to identify why social media users copy each other. In the first place, it's because of social comparison. On social media, people can compare their success, popularity, or appearance to others'. To fit in or feel better about themselves, people can imitate other people's behavior, posts, or styles. In addition, there's the infamous influencer culture. The rise of social media influencers has made copying others a common behavior, as individuals aim to emulate the lifestyles, aesthetics, and behavior of popular individuals. Another factor that contributes to people replicating trends is FOMO. Ther Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) can also lead users to imitate others on social media, as they want to keep up with the experiences that others are sharing. In some cases, individuals may not have the creativity or originality to come up with their own content, leading them to copy others. Last but not least, copying others on social media is also a way to feel validated. This is because they may feel that they will receive more likes, comments, or followers if they imitate popular trends or behaviors.
It's pertinent to note that while copying others on social media can provide temporary validation or a sense of fitting in, it can also contribute to negative feelings such as low self-esteem and a lack of individuality. Copying others could lead to feelings of inadequacy when one's own accomplishments don't measure up to those of others. It could also lead to feelings of being inauthentic and not true to oneself, which can further contribute to a lack of self-confidence.
This is why I find BeReal so boring and intriguing at the same time. Since individuals want to express themselves on social media, it's far better to express their authentic selves and find their own voices. Even better if we can communicate outside of social media.
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I do not typically post these things either, nor did I ever wish to. I generally prefer to keep to myself and keep my blog focused on my interests & trying to spread positivity. However, after sitting on this decision, I cannot stay idle and not publicly show support to the blogs who I have been mutuals with for quite some time. Enough is enough.
I want to say that my mutuals who have shared their stories have given me no reason to believe they are lying or doing this for attention, they have shared their proof publicly and I have never witnessed or been on the receiving end of any kind of âdramaâ or inappropriate/offensive behaviour from them in my time on tumblr. I did not know the full extent of the situation until the last month or so due to the previous posts made by my mutuals regarding it and the fact I have this individuals account blocked since its creation. I am also not apart of any âinner circlesâ or the rp community.
I now know the extent of the situation from the multiple posts made by others, and quite frankly, it is absolutely horrible. I had a brief interaction with this individual because I had them blocked (from the first day they made their acc) and they werenât happy about that despite the fact we have never interacted or even know each other, but it truly was nothing compared to these accounts.
To those who have shared their experiences, you are very brave and I take my hat off to you. I am sending you all love and strength for 2025, and I truly hope this winds down for you all.
A reminder to everyone when it comes to these situations:
Please do not send hate to anyone involved. Tit for tat is not helpful, displaying the same accused behaviour as this individual is not helpful. I understand the anger and frustration, and those feelings are valid, but it really just adds fuel to the fire.
Please remember the block button is there to protect your own space & your mental health. Blocking someone isnât always a personal attack. And a reminder that fan spaces are a safe space for a lot of people, try your hardest to keep it that way.
And please remember to respect all parties pronouns & mental health /gen.
(This is the only post I will make regarding this unless I feel it necessary to add to. Please donât reach out to me regarding my own experience, Iâm merely sharing to spread awareness and show support to those who have come forward.đ thank you.)
A Warning To Marvel Roleplayers;
Mass manipulation comes in many forms, like a wolf stalking pray through a crowd of nice, nice sheep. One specifically has made it their mission to ruin people's lives in the name of jealousy, otherwise known as Asgards-Trickster-God (as well as manifest-your-destiny, and countless other alt accounts, as you've probably seen). Slithering from writing group to writing group once people figure out that all the harassment they've been receiving has been from their own writing partner. These innocent people don't deserve the constant harassment, don't deserve to be obsessed over by a person who barely crosses their mind.
The following is chock-full of evidence (not edited, in case LLD wants to play). I've also added a different callout post made by a different group a little while back, they've truly been at this for a way too long now.
Please stay safe, folks!
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Heyo! How would the Obey Me brothers react to MC being a teenager/younger gen Z? Like, the paper-work got mixed up somehow, and said they were like 26, when they were actually like 16? Also (you don't have to include this), what if the teen MC was actually really interested in demons and angles before coming to devildom, so they're really nervous, but also really excited? If you don't wanna do it, that's fine tho :) Have a great day/night!
I love this prompt! Have a great day too,loveđ€
Brothers reaction to MC being a Gen Z teen. (Platonic)
âLucifer.
He can already picture himself struggling with you.
Six brothers to take care of + a TEEN? Man is about to loose it.
If you are an introverted he will like you automatically and feel relieved that you will not always get into his brothers shenanigans.
If you are an extroverted (or just a curious one tbh) he will keep an eye on you 24/7 so you won't get into Mammon schemes or Satan's nerves and get yourself in trouble.
Really amused if you like demons and angels, will curse himself for misreading but will not hate himself too much since you are not that scared.
Gets tired of you quickly if you make too many questions and will always send you to ask Mammon or if it's something that he doesn't know himself he will ask Diavolo and tell you later but he will (of course) act all high and mighty as if he already knew the answer to such question.
Will practically adopt you and spoil you a lot because hes is big brother.
Overprotective. Oh you met a lesser demon and you want to go on a date with them? Haha he won't let you.
You will be the only person who gets in trouble and leaves with just a warning.
Also you are totally his soft spot. Man can't resist your sad face and will do anything to make you happy even if he doesn't like to admit that.
Totally lost when it comes to TikTok/memes references and will ask about it a lot.
âMammon
He is amazing. Not only does whatever you ask him to but also has the best ways to get you out of boredom.
He will teach you how to scam people and how to be a good thief even if you don't need it or want it.
Teaches you about demons and angels without even knowing. Sometimes he drops random facts but it's not until he realizes you write down what he says that he stops doing it just to hear you ask him things so he can act all smug and smart.
If someone breaks your heart he will be ready to throw hands,no one hurts their little siblings.
Like Lucifer,he adopted you and always claims to be "the one you choose to be with you first" making sure his brothers hear him.
He will help you make your homework. Even if he doesn't understand he will try his best.
Please refer to him sometimes as "big brother" he will die.
When he saves your ass from getting killed by lesser demons he will be ready to receive the biggest hug ever and is absolutely ready to be praised.
If he saves you and you say "thanks,big brother" now you have a problem. He will brag about it for a week (at least).
Will steal things from you to keep them with him when he is going thru an episode. It reminds him that someone thinks of him as worthy and love deserving.
Will die for you,you are not only family now but his favorite person.
Will compliment you in the best brotherhood way he can "looking good today,kid", "your hair looks nice,brat" and "You are the best looking sibling after me of course" are his go to compliments. Mostly does it because you compliment him back and because he knows his comments make you feel closer to him and boy loves it.
âLevi
If you are an introvert like him you can expect him to go out of his room more often just to see you or talk to you.
If you are not he will try to make you an indoors person but if he can't he is might be willing to take a risk and go out once a week but just to the manga store and back,don't expect more,normie.
If you like any thing he likes he will try to test you and prove he is better than you,he doesn't give a fuck you are practically a child he can't loose.
If he wins he will be very happy and more open to you to open up with some things.
If he doesn't win he will cry when he is alone and call himself an ugly unworthy idiot who can't even be considered an otaku but relax my dude,MC will go to you and reassure you you know better than them and that they will love to hear what you have to say (even if they don't mean it,they love you and will love to see you happy again).
Knows the basics about demons and angels so he is not the best to go to if you have too many questions. That's the only time he will let his envy go away and tell you to go to Satan or Lucifer since they know more than him.
He does not takes his duty as a big brother as something serious since Lucifer is always there but if you call him "big brother" he is going to take that role serious but for you and you only.
Will 100% find siblings cosplays and gets you to do it with him.
If you ever said something like "I'm lucky that my big brother is also my best friend" he might tear up a little since he has never been considered someone's best friend ever.
If any of his brothers try to get you to call him "big brother" he will go on a rampage unless it's Lucifer. Boy is envious not dumb.
If it was Lucifer he will go to him later and ask you if he can stop trying to get you to call him that way because that's they way you call him and it makes him feel special. Lucifer will probably agree because he knows Levi doesn't feel special often so he might give in; if he doesn't Levi will start an argument and won't stop until Lucifer cuts him off or agrees.
Keep calling him big brother, he adores it.
âSatan
As grumpy as he is,he loves to have yo by his side. Not because he loves company but because he likes to be able to answer all your questions.
Ask him anything about demons or angels and he knows it,fuck he is smart.
Will get you a notebook so you can write what he says and will give you books to read as "extra homework" it's kind of a bad deal if you think of it but it's his way to show love.
The only person who calls him "big brother" often is Asmo and got used to it coming from him and him only. If he hears you calling him that way he will probably jump out of happiness when he is alone but for know he will just answer to that name name and act like nothing happened.
You don't want to do your homework? Fine you can copy mine but just this once.
If you struggle with anything he will solve it for you,no cap.
He will get you cat themed items like pencils, notebooks,necklaces or rings.
Matching is a must. Not because he likes the concept of being associated with a part of someone but because he will love to brag with his brothers obviously.
Will definitely get mad if you ask any type of demon/angel related thing to others.
Names a cat after you but it's the cats middle name so he won't get mocked. Won't tell you tho.
Very very protective but good at hiding it. He might be following you down the street but you wouldn't even know. Kinda creepy? Yes. Have you ever got eaten? Nope.
âAsmo
Yes! Exactly what he was waiting for.
You are part of his experiments. You don't like makeup? Well now you do. What type of clothes do you have? Do you have an aesthetic? No? Well now you do.
He is always there when you need him to. Best of them all to give advise when needed.
Definitely will be annoyed by all of your questions but will try to be as gentle as possible to tell you that.
Can help you to become really good at comebacks,believe him he knows best than anyone.
He is the one making sure you are educated when comes to sex. Simple but worthy lessons such as "sex is about experimenting and finding what you really like but you always need your partners consent" or "always have a safe word,even when you have vanilla type of sex" or the best one yet "if they want to fuck with you that's fine but always remember to use protection because I will not like to see you having a child so young or having an abortion" because yeah that's what big brothers do.
If you hit him with the "you are the best,big brother" he will jump into your arms and say that he knows he is the best but that hearing that was way too magical,do it again!
He is very aware of insecurities and will try to be the shoulder you cry on if you need to,he is always there to wipe of your tears (or wipe off the ones who hurt you).
Not as protective as the others but keeps an eye on you because your curiosity might hurt you.
Will be crushed if he sees you suffering from the most minimal thing. That lipstick does not fit your skin color? Fuck that lipstick! We are getting new ones,go get Lucifers card!
Spoils you way more than any other because he wants to create a brat. He needs to have someone like you who will cling into Lucifer and beg him to let you do dumb things because you know Lucifer can't say no to you. He needs your power and is not afraid to tell you that
Constant reassurance. He always calls you by cute nicknames and as long as you call him "my beautiful big brother" every time he is amused.
âBeel
Baby is ready to give you life lessons. Don't stab anyone,drink enough water and be patient with the ones you love.
Yes,he learned the "don't stab anyone" from talking to Belphie.
Is very lost when it comes to you being so interested in demons and angels because he is not used to be the one answering the questions but making them. Bare with him, he is trying to get a good answer.
Will ask for advice on how to answer you, probably goes to Lucifer but mostly Belphie.
Soon you two start doing things together that involve learning from humans and angels. Maybe you are walking down the street working out and when you both start chatting about demon life and suddenly everything stops.
Beel is clueless when it comes to comforting someone about an insecuritie since he was the one being comforted most of the times but will give you space if you need to or do whatever you feel comfy with.
If you call him "big brother" he will hug you like no one has ever hugged you before. Teddy bear hugs are a must now.
Will die for you and is not afraid of telling you such. "MC I will die for you" "whAt?" "As your big brother I may protect you with my life" "Please don't."
Tells you how much he wants you to be happy and constantly asks if you have any type of dreams or goals.
If you do have goals or dreams he will encourage you to go get it. Beel is there to support you no matter what.
âBelphie.
Absolutely fucking not.
Why is everyone spoiling this stupid brat and not me? I hate them.
But hold on there,he doesn't completely hates you he just hates the attention you get.
If you go to him with a soft attitude and ask him if you can nap together he will say yes and will enjoy the moment a lot .
He has never been someone's big brother so it kinda hits him if you call him like that and will try to act confident and smug about it but it's kinda terrified.
What if he doesn't catch up on the big brother thing and fucks up? He doesn't want to disappoint you or make you feel awkward. So he copies his big brother and tries his best,believe me he does.
You need help with something? Ugh well I will help but you owe me one (you don't owe him anything really,he just doesn't wants to be seen as soft for you). Oh did someone caused you problems? No biggie,I will take care of it.
Spoiler alert: he is very overprotective with you,he doesn't want to lose you.
#obey me x reader#obey me scenarios#obey me imagines#obey me belphegor#obey me asmodeus#obey me satan#obey me mammon#obey me shall we date#obey me lucifer#obey me headcanons#obey me mc#obey me
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Auntie âSoka and Little Leia (and Rex)
The counterpart to Uncle Ben and Little Luke (Original Post, Chrono)
Listen. You all knew this was coming.
This got... very long and detailed and Iâm going to have to clean it up and post to AO3. As in, this was supposed to be 2-3k and is literally ten times that long. It crossed 25k. And the initial section actually glosses over a bunch, actual fic-style writing starts at âThat, of course, is when things get interesting.â
Warnings: discussion of various canon traumas (most relating to being child soldiers), general PTSD, several scenes featuring dissociation or panic attacks upon being triggered, and canon-typical violence.
Rated T, gen.
I still want there to be de-aging nonsense involved so Ahsoka is physically a late teenager despite having a solid two decades of field experience behind her (weâre pulling her from Malachor).
Leia, much like Luke, is now six. She just came from being a rebellion general. She is not happy about being a child. She was already short, this is just mean. Sheâs a human espresso.
UNLIKE BEN, Ahsoka is not happy about this turn of events. Being seventeen-ish is not helpful in the outer rim. Sheâs a female togruta, young and healthy, and in the Outer Rim, caring for a small human child. Sure, she has her lightsabers and plenty of combat experience, and she can keep them safe, but sheâs just one person, and a major target for those looking to make some quick cash. It doesnât matter how good she is; she needs sleep at some point.
It makes my heart happy to treat Ahsoka and Rex as two halves of the same black ops specialist so you know what, heâs there too! Heâs physically like... 10-12 in natborn, maybe. Theyâre not sure, because clones age weird. Heâs moderately more useful than Leia (who is very competent but also physically six, and short for that age), but heâs still... very small.
Reminder that none of them have been born yet.
Ahsoka has a harder time explaining WHY she has children with her, since she's barely more than a kid herself, and clearly unrelated by species. She sometimes just says âOh, my adoptive brotherâs kidsâ since itâs kind of the truth for Leia and sheâs not touching the actual truth about Rex with a ten foot pole.
Ahsoka definitely knows about Leia being a Skywalker, or at least has suspicions that Bail never outright confirmed but was conspicuously quiet about. She does tell Leia about it, but itâs not like that means anything, right? Just, you know, your dad was my teacher! I donât have to tell you he became Va--oh shit, you already knew that part. Well, fuck. What do you mean he had a son? OH SHIT, PADME HAD TWINS.
Alt take for explaining why sheâs got kids:Â Sheâs my foundling, I know her name as my child (Leia shut up!!!)
(Ahsoka can fake Mandalore. Sometimes.)
That said, there is... significantly less gambling and significantly more theft to get to Coruscant.
As previously stated, Ahsoka is a black ops kinda gal, and more importantly, she looks like a fairly attractive young woman in the Outer Rim, with two children in good health. Sheâs a target, and also not the kind of person one generally gambles with. If she does gamble, people get upset when she doesnât lose, in ways they donât get upset about Ben doing the same, because sheâs, again, a cute teenage girl. Itâs exhausting.
As things go, she largely ends up stealing from people who deserve it and/or smuggling herself and her charges into someone elseâs ship. Theyâre small, they can hide. Sometimes she can get them all passage by working as a mechanic, sheâs good at that.
Once theyâve got a handle on when they are, they have to decide on Names. None of them have been born yet, so technically they could use their own names without anyone Knowing. Rex and Leia might not even be born, depending on how successful they are at, you know, stopping the war and everything. Ahsoka, though, sheâs going be born in two years, and thereâs no reason to prevent it, so... she doesnât want to steal baby-herâs name. That would be mean.
Leia is already calling her âAuntie âSokaâ when she can for reasons like âselling the bitâ and âmanipulating adultsâ and âmaking us both feel better after we had a mutual breakdown about Anakin being Vader.â Ergo, she decides that whatever new name she picks better include that in some way, and decides on âSokariâ because it sounds pretty.
Overall, they donât... they donât actually make it very far before thereâs an Incident. Again, teenager with small children. They spend a lot of time hiding out in space ports looking for an opportunity.
That, of course, is when things get interesting.
Specifically, Ahsoka spots a Mandalorian.
She doesnât recognize the armor. She does recognize the sigil, and thinks âwell, theyâre more likely to help than some,â because from what sheâs heard, the Haat Mandoâade are Decent People Overall. Her view is a little biased, mostly on account of the sheer level of grudge she has against Kyrâtsad. Itâs fine! The True Mandalorians have the same grudge, right? And Mandalorians like kids and Ahsoka hasnât slept in five days and itâs fine. Itâs fine! ITâS FINE.
âOh shit,â Rex whispers, before she can suggest anything. âOh fuck.â
âStop cursing,â Leia hisses, elbowing him. âPeople are going to notice.â
âThatâs the Prime,â Rex panics, mostly quiet. Ahsokaâs heart drops, because fuck is right. âThatâs Fett.â
Leia isnât impressed. Ahsoka just angles herself between Fett and Rex and hopes that he doesnât see them. Thatâs just asking for trouble.
Unfortunately, Ahsoka is in fact running on none sleep with left trauma, and doesnât notice Fett walking up and dropping into a seat across from them until heâs actually done so, removing his helmet to glare a little more efficiently.
âWanna explain why your kid has my face?â
Ahsoka later tells herself that heâs killed Jedi and thatâs why he can sneak up on her, and that she can be forgiven some slip-ups with the exhaustion being what it is, and that sheâs obviously going to be dealing with some emotional instability in light of the sudden return of teenage hormones and new forms of anxiety that are markedly different from those she was dealing with a few weeks ago.
What Ahsoka wants to say is âthatâs kind of a long story,â or âmaybe heâs a cousin,â or âkriff off, I donât know you,â or maybe even âheâs a clone.â
What Ahsoka actually does is burst into tears, which is embarrassing for her, for Fett, for the kids, and for the entire rest of the bar.
It really is the straw that broke the eopieâs back. Even when she was actually this age, she didnât exactly cry much. Objectively, Fett quasi-aggressively asking a valid question shouldnât send her into a panic. Sheâs been through torture and worse. She shouldnât be crying.
But she is, sobbing her eyes out with no control, and heâs just sitting across from her and looking uncomfortable while Rex wraps his little arms--oh Force heâs so small--around her, and both âchildrenâ glare at Fett.
âSo, Iâm going to take it she didnât kidnap you from a loving family or do something illicit with a blood sample,â Fett says, after it becomes obvious that Ahsokaâs not going to be ready to talk any time soon.
âShe didnât,â Rex says stiffly, with just the right emphasis for Fett to catch whatâs implied. Ahsoka just keeps her head down, eyes pressed against the heels of her palms, trying to get her body to stop rebelling against her.
Fettâs eyes dart to Leia, who folds her arms and draws herself up, every bit the unimpressed princess. âMy father claimed her as a sister, so sheâs my Auntie âSoka.â
The man dithers a bit, the conversation clearly not going where heâd expected. âRight,â he says. âYou--youâre all kids. I thought she was a little older, at least, but I didnât have a good look at her face before.â
She is older, but actually admitting that is only going to make this worse, both for her pride and for her chances of making it out alive.
âWhere are you staying?â
âWhat?â Leia bites out.
âYouâre kids, youâre alone, and youâre clearly not okay if you were trying to hide the one with my face as blatantly as you did, and then... whatever this is, when I confronted you,â Fett explains. Ahsoka lifts her head to glare at him, but itâs probably not doing much with the way her eyes are rimmed with red and still wet. âDonât give me that look, adâika, your kids looked as confused and horrified by that as the bartender did. They obviously didnât think it was normal either.â
Well, kriff you too, Ahsoka thinks.
âAnd what do you mean by âblatantly,â here?â Leia challenges. Itâs adorable, but Ahsoka watched this tiny girl shoot a man last week, and wonders when people are going to start taking that seriously.
âThereâs a lot of people in this galaxy, and I donât exactly have the clearest memory of what I looked like at that age,â Fett says, slow and careful like he thinks theyâre dumb. Ahsoka decides to chalk it up as being because Leiaâs visibly six. âI would have thought it was just a coincidence if you hadnât put in effort to hide him.â
Leia huffs, and Rex glares harder. Fett just sighs, like theyâre all going to give him grey hairs.
âYou can explain whatever the hellâs going on,â Fett says. âIâll let you stay on my ship, thereâs a spare bunk and youâre small.â
âFor free?â Rex demands.
âA night on a bunk in exchange for information,â Fett clarifies. âWe can negotiate from there.â
Ahsoka takes a few moments, notes that both of the others are waiting on her for the decision, and cringes. She doesnât feel steady enough to carry that. She has to anyway.
âRex?â she asks, voice rasping after the breakdown of the past few minutes.
âYeah?â
âHow much?â
He looks up at her, eyes calculating, and grimaces. âWe donât want Order 66. A warning is better, even if we... share information.â
She nods, and turns to Leia. âAny premonitions, princess?â
Leia glowers, cute and furious. âNo.â
âNo, donât tell, or no, you arenât getting any vibes about sharing info one way or the other?â
âThe latter,â Leia clarifies, huffy to the last.
âRight,â Ahsoka says, and then just... hesitates. âFett...â
âYouâve got conditions,â he guesses.
She bares her teeth in what could have, through a squint and perhaps a few drinks, been called an apologetic smile. âJust one, really.â
âYeah?â
âNo hurting, killing, or turning us in for bounties,â she says. âAny of us.â
âYouâre children, I wouldnât.â
She blinks at him, slow and careful. She hesitates. She reaches down, out of sight, sees him stiffen.
She unclips her sabers from her belt and puts them on the table.
His eyes are fixed on the weapons the second they enter his line of sight, and donât move as he clearly realizes why she made the condition she did.
âI left years ago, because I couldnât stay without it ruining me,â she says. Still slow. Still careful. Sheâs so tired. âBut if I want to keep Leia safe, I have to get back to Coruscant.â
His eyes finally lift from the sabers, expression blank. âJust her?â
âRex doesnât have the same monsters coming after him,â she says. âIf it were just me and him, Iâd worry less. Leiaâs a different kind of target.â
âYouâre putting a lot of faith on the table by telling me that,â Fett says, voice flat and toneless. âConsidering my occupation.â
âSheâs a child,â Ahsoka says, feeling heavy and boneless. âEven with what I was and will be, even with what money you would get from the right buyer, you wouldnât.â
âThere are other risks.â
âThere are.â
They stare at each other for too long, probably, and then Fett jerks as Rex kicks him under the table. The boys glare for a moment, and then Rex says, âIf she werenât good, Iâd still be a slave to those who grew me.â
Fett blinks, and then nearly growls the word, âWhat?â
âShe freed me,â Rex reiterates. âWhile I was trying to shoot her.â
Ahsoka lifts a hand and puts it on his far shoulder, pulling him into her side. She doesnât meet Fettâs eyes again, because part of her is back on Mandalore, dodging her own soldiers and crying out as her family dies across the galaxy.
Fett breathes in. Breathes out. He puts a hand to his head, visibly frustrated. âFine. A good Jedi kid, and two smaller kids, one of which is apparently in some way mine.â
Rex makes a face, which is fair, but also not helping.
âTo the ship,â Ahsoka says, putting her sabers back on her belt and sliding out of the seat. âIâm... Iâm Sokari.â
âYou already know my name.â
âI do.â
---------------------------
Fett watches her like sheâs a predator, which has the benefit of being accurate and slightly flattering. She lets other two take care of most of talking, and then Fett tells her to sleep first, and talk in the morning.
âYouâre dead on your feet, jetii,â he snorts. âAnd that crying jag didnât do you any favors. Sleep.â
So she does, and Fett doesnât even wake her. He just lets her sleep. He watches her in the way of a guard. She sees him when she gets up to use the âfresher in the middle of the night, but he doesnât even comment when she collapses right back into the mediocre cot sheâs borrowed for the cycle.
Rex and Leia are safe, her hindbrain tells her, even in the depths of sleep. Her mind curls around theirs in the Force, and she trusts that they are here. They are not happy, but they are alive and unharmed, and that has to be enough.
When she stumbles her way to true wakefulness, groggy and loose-limbed, Fett greets her with caf.
âThe kids wouldnât let me near you,â he tells her.
âTheyâre good,â she says, cupping her hands around the mug. She feels wobbly, in every sense. Her body, her mind, her emotions, her connection to the Force. Nothing is on-kilter right now. âDid they tell you anything?â
âThey waited for you,â he says. âBut the little miss needed a nap of her own. Theyâre down in the other bunk.â
âI didnât notice,â she admits. She should have. Sheâs Fulcrum. Sheâs a veteran of the Clone Wars. Sheâs... sheâs supposed to be better than this.
âHow long?â he asks, and then when she squints up at him, he clarifies. âHow long did you fight?â
âMy last fight--â
âNo, whatever war you came out of,â he says. Her chest twists cold. âI donât know if the Jedi sent you into it or if you waded in yourself once you left, but you move like a soldier.â
âI was,â she confirms. âBut... but I donât want to talk about the details. Not until the other two are here.â
He frowns at her. âIs there anything you can talk about?â
She shrugs and looks away, trying to take solace in the warmth of the caff she holds above the table, as if it can hide her, guard her, from the disgraced Mandâalor across the table.
âJedi?â
âIâm not officially a Jedi,â she says, voice quiet. âNot anymore.â
âThen what do I call you?â he asks. âWeâre not exactly close enough for names.â
âTorrent,â she says. âItâs not--I canât claim my family name anymore. But I can claim Torrent, so I will. And if you want a title, I was a commander.â
âBit young for that.â
âI got the rank when I was fourteen,â she says, and watches his face do something complicated and unpleasant. âDonât. I know your own culture puts children on the field that young.â
âNot in command.â
She shrugs. âYeah, well... the soldiers were technically younger. Adults, but...â
Ahsoka can see the way he casts about to figure out what species grows at that rate. He guesses a few, and she shoots all of it down.
She wonât tell him. Not until Rex is awake.
This part of the story is his.
--------------------------
When Leia tries to sit alone, a foot away on the bench like a proper adult, Ahsoka refuses to let it happen. She pulls the younger girl to her side and quells protests with a glance. Itâs a decent skill, but sheâs not sure how long itâs going to work on her niece-in-spirit.
âYour body needs the chemical release of skinship,â she says, and Leia glares at her. âI spent way too much time with the boys to not know about this. Deal.â
Rex sits close enough to knock their knees together under the table, and his warmth is the old comfort she needs.
âDo you want the story youâll believe, or the truth?â Ahsoka asks.
âWhatâs the difference?â
âOne of them involves something so impossible that even most Jedi wouldnât believe it,â she tells him.
Fett folds his arms and leans forward to rest them on the table, challenging but oddly open. âTry me.â
âTime travel.â
He blinks, just once, fully controlled. âThatâs a tough one.â
âThere were only three Jedi left alive when I died,â she says. âOr... whatever it is that happened to me. I think I died. All I know is that one moment, I was thirty-two and dying, and the next, I was... seventeen again, and had these two with me. All of us younger than we were. None of us have even been born yet.â
She refuses to look him in the eye. âThey both outlived me by... six years, maybe. Got caught up while traveling instead of dying. Leia was twenty-two. Rex was thirty-five. Iâm not technically the oldest anymore. I mean, physically I am, but that doesnât mean anything, and itâs not exactly doing us any good, and--â
Rex bumps his shoulder to her arm. âI dunno, Commander. Iâve spent a long time looking older than I should. Nice to look younger for once.â
She shoots him a small, pained grin. âCould be worse, yeah.â
âLetâs say I believe you.â
Her attention snaps back to Fett, whoâs looking damnably blank, and is showing even less in the Force.
He waits a second for her to relax back into her seat.
âLetâs say I believe you,â he repeats. âHowâs âRexâ connected to me? Whatâs so special about Leia there? And what war did you fight in that has you acting like a veteran?â
âThree years in the clone wars,â she whispers, glancing to Rex and forcing herself to not go for her sabers to defend against an attack that her paranoia says is coming and the Force says is not. âThen almost all the Jedi were wiped out at once, and I spent a year... drifting. Then black ops for the next fifteen.â
âBlack ops,â he repeats, still damnably flat.
âThere was a Sith Empire,â she says, and she can hear her own tone growing somehow emptier. âGlassing planets. Enslaving entire species. Committing genocides all over. Of course, there was a rebellion, and of course I joined it. I was one of the only people left with Jedi training. For all that Iâd left the Order, I still had a duty to the universe.â
His eyes flit to Leia, who shrugs and tries to look prim. âI was adopted and raised by one of the founders of the rebellion, a movement built on the desire to instate freedom and democracy in a galaxy that had lost even the pretense.â
âThat why youâre special?â
Leia smiles, thin and patronizing. It doesnât fit on her little face. âIâm special because my biological father was one of the most powerful Force users in history, and his Fall to the dark side and choice to become a Sith is why the Emperorâs rise was nearly uncontested. I do not like power, but itâs in my veins and I canât change that. Force users are... a lucrative trade, and Iâm still the size of a child, so I canât fight back. Iâll be safer in the Jedi Temple, even if I donât want to be a Jedi.â
Fett looks to Ahsoka, makes to ask a question, and then shakes his head. Not the time, maybe.
âSo, thatâs all... very complicated and I donât know how much of it I believe, but it doesnât explain...â he trails off, and sighs. âMy kid, or whatever you are. I heard you mention clones.â
Rex grins. It is not a kind expression.
âLet me tell you about Kamino.â
---------------------------
Ahsoka has no idea if Fett believes them. Either he thinks theyâre telling the truth, or he thinks their delusional kids. Whatever the case, he offers to take them closer to the Core. Ahsoka quietly offers to take a look at his engine in return, and then pretends not to notice when Fett awkwardly drifts to and away from Rex.
âThey put chips in our brains to make us kill the Jedi we respected, cared for, even loved. I tried to shoot âSoka, Fett. She was seventeen and risked her life to get that chip out of my head while I was trying to kill her. I have never hated myself more than when I woke up and realized what Iâd almost done, and I was one of the few that were able to fight it. I heard the stories of dozens of brothers who woke with their chips having degraded and chose to eat their blaster rather than live with the guilt of the orders theyâd followed without question because of a thrice-damned Sith slave chip in their head.â
âSo no, I wonât call you father or acknowledge you as clan until you do something to prove youâre worth it, shared blood or not.â
What Ahsoka does get out of the arrangement, for all that Fettâs route mostly takes them on a meandering path that isnât faster than their previous system, is sleep. She gets to rest. She gets to trust that Fett wonât kill Rex, out of guilt for something he hasnât done, that he wonât kill Leia out of a worry that sheâs just a delusional child, a real child, that he wonât kill âSokariâ because it would ruin any chance of gaining Rexâs favor, ever.
Sheâs not safe, wonât believe she can be until sheâs in the Temple and Sidious is dead dead dead, but sheâs safer than sheâs been in a long time.
Every night, Ahsoka wakes up and stumbles to the little galley, deaths and torture sparkling behind her eyes with the energy of a thousand lost Jedi, ten thousand mourned brothers and sisters.
She is not the only one of their little group to be a survivor of a near-total genocide, but Rex could not feel his brothers die in the Force, even if his nightmares featured what they heard of suicide missions by the emperorâs favored shock troopers, and Leia had... Alderaan had more off-world survivors than there had been Jedi at all.
Itâs not worth comparing their pain. Itâs stupid to even think it. Part of her canât help but do it anyway.
âCaf?â
She feels a lek twitch in response to the voice of the only other person on board who can reach the top shelf. âI probably shouldnât.â
âWhiskey?â
âThatâs a definitely shouldnât.â
âHoth chocolate?â
â...please.â
She doesnât lift her head from her arms until the mug clicks down in front of her, ceramic on plastisteel.
âDo I ask what it was this time?â
She shrugs. âItâs hard to explain to non-sensitives.â
âTry me anyway.â
Ahsoka twists the Hoth chocolate in her hands, takes a sip as she thinks. âThe Force isnât just one thing. Itâs... energy and philosophy and spirit, a sense of being that ties the entire universe together. Sentient and inanimate and living and dead, empty space and lush forests and stifled cities. For those of us who are sensitive to it, itâs possible to feel the life of everyone around you, theoretically possible to feel entire systems. If you have a Force bond, like a master and padawan, that can stretch across planets, even systems if one or both are particularly powerful.
âSo just... just imagine, for a moment, what itâs like to feel the screaming of all those Jedi in the Force as their trusted men shot them down.
âSome of them were close enough that I could feel them die,â she manages. âI... itâs horrible. Itâs horrific. Itâs not something I can ever forget, and I want to. I want to forget what that moment was like. Not that it happened, but...â
She can feel the tears. Fuck..
âYou want to dull the edges.â
âDonât we all?â she asks, scrubbing the back of her hand across her eyes. âLeia lost her entire planet, billions of people, and she was forced to watch. Rex... Force, I can barely imagine, and I was there for most of it.â
Fett watches her, measuring. âFrom what he said, they were as much your brothers as his, by the end.â
âNo,â she immediately denies. âThey could have been, maybe, but the ones I was closest to died earlier, and then I left, and by the time the Empire rose, all but a handful were... no. Rex, I will claim as a brother in all the ways that matter, but I donât get to do that with the rest. I donât have the right.â
âYouâre hard on yourself.â
âFate of the galaxy, my good bitch. Guess whoâs got it on her shoulders.â
He snorts at her, and nods at the mug. âDrink your Hoth chocolate. Weâre landing in eight hours, and youâve got kids to look out for.â
---------------------------
Thereâs a twitch in the Force when they land, something pulling at her in a way she barely feels. Sheâs had her shields up so fully for so long that itâs natural to hide away what she is to the point where she can hardly tell what anyone else is, either. It takes more than a moment to remember how to let herself spread out across the world.
âAuntie âSoka? Whyâd you stop?â
She doesnât have an answer to Leiaâs prodding question. âI donât know.â
Itâs almost familiar. Old and half-forgotten, not the same as what she remembers, but--
âThis way,â she says, and wanders off into the crowd. Leia and Rex follow without question. Fett curses and rushes through the rest of his transaction with the docking attendant. The sound of him jogging after them is almost funny, with the armor, but she canât focus on that.
Ahsoka slips between people with the ease of a career built on such a habit, children trailing like ducklings. She knows this feeling, she knows this person, what is she missi--
âOh,â she breathes, going stock still. She knows that face. She knows those braids. She even knows the presence.
Younger than Ahsoka had ever seen her, but unmistakably Master Billaba.
âTorrent, what the hell?â Fett demands, finally catching up. âYou canât just run off like that!â
âItâs Depa,â she says, eyes still fixed on the woman parsing through a datapad with an irritated vendor. She has a padawan braid. It doesnât feel like Master Windu is on-planet, so this might be a solo mission, a... oh. Senior Padawan, Knight Elect. This is the kind of mission taken to test if sheâs ready to be promoted.
Ahsoka feels light-headed.
Fett waits for her to elaborate, but she canât. This was Kananâs master. This was a member of the High Council. This was a woman who died and--
âYou need to sit down,â Fett says, not a touch gruff. He puts a hand on her shoulder and guides her off the main walkway. âIâm... going to talk to the woman in the Jedi robes. You three just stay there and donât get kidnapped.â
Ahsoka nods, feeling like sheâs not quite inhabiting her own body.
Itâs Depa.
Her eyes track Fett without conscious control, and her montrals pick up the sound.
Depa looks up when the armor comes close enough, free hand tensed in a way that says sheâs preventing herself from reaching for a saber in reaction to the heavily-armored individual standing several feet away.
âMando,â the woman says. âMay I help you?â
âAre you Depa?â
Depa doesnât do anything so dramatic as gape or step back, but she does blink rapidly for a moment. She then folds her hands down in front of her, drawing her spine up ramrod straight. âI am Jedi Padawan Depa Billaba, yes. May I ask why it is that you need to know?â
Ahsoka imagines Fett grimacing, or rolling his eyes, or maybe dithering. She canât tell from this angle, and he has a helmet on besides. It turns his awkward silences into judgmental ones.
âIâve had some Jedi kids on my ship, hitching a ride,â he says at length. âOne of them recognized you and then just... froze.â
âYou have our younglings in your care,â Depa says, carefully not accusatory, but close enough to be a warning.
âNot quite,â he says. âThe one that actually came from the temple is seventeen. One of âem isnât Force Sensitive, and the last one is but hasnât been to Coruscant before. Theyâre trying to get the little one to the Temple for her own safety.â
Depa considers that, and then passes the datapad to the vendor. âLead on.â
Itâs surprisingly simple, really. Fett did all the talking.
And then Depa is standing right in front of her.
âLike I said,â Fett sighs. âShe froze up.â
âHello,â Depa says, hands laced together inside her sleeves. âI donât believe weâve met.â
Ahsoka shakes her head. âI know of you. Iâve seen you spar. Youâve never spoken to me.â
All true. A little misleading, but itâs fine, itâs all fine.
Depa waits a moment, and then says, âYou seem to have me at a disadvantage. You know my name, but I donât know yours.â
âSokari T-Torrent,â she manages. The words feel clunky in her mouth, the sound abrasive for all that itâs just her own voice, no different from usual. A little shaky, maybe. She can feel a cool breeze on her upper arms. Shouldnât she have armor? She should have armor. âIt... itâs been a long time since Iâve seen another Jedi. Iâm having a hard time believing youâre real.â
âI see,â Depa says. âPerhaps we should take this somewhere more private? You seem a little unsteady.â
Ahsoka lets herself be led back to the ship, in the company of Mandâalor Jango Fett, Jedi Padawan Depa Billaba, Princess-General Leia Organa, and good old Captain Rex.
Itâs like the start of a sick joke.
---------------------------
Fett and Depa talk where she can hear, but they rarely address her directly. Both seem to realize that sheâs not particularly useful right now. Leia and Rex are pressing up against her at the little table in the galley, and Ahsoka lets them.
This is real. She can feel Depa in the Force, recognizes her energy even if itâs not quite what it will-was-could-have-been. This is happening.
Itâs a textbook Traumatic Stress Response case, one of them says.
Fett has his helmet off. Ahsokaâs sure thatâs wrong for some reason. She thinks he might already be on wanted lists. Should she worry about Depa trying to arrest him?
Depa asks about Rex at one point. Fett tells her that someone cloned him without his knowing, but the kid is more comfortable with Ahsoka so theyâre still working on what that means for him.
Itâs more or less true. Rex squeezes her hand the one time someone suggests separating them. Sheâs not letting that happen unless Rex wants to leave for whatever reason. Theyâve worked apart before. They can do it again.
âAuntie Soka? Youâre shivering.â
Is she?
Leia cuddles in closer, and Ahsoka runs a hand over her hair. Itâs an absentminded motion, and for all that she knows Leiaâs hair is fine as silk, it feels like plastic in the moment.
âI donât think Iâm okay,â Ahsoka announces. The words hang in the air like lead balloons, and she can feel Depa staring at her. âI havenât been for a very long time.â
âYeah, we noticed,â Fett says. âDo you need to lay down, Torrent?â
Does she?
âNo,â she says. âI... I donât know what I need.â
âThe spicy drink,â Rex tells them. âItâs grounding.â
Right. That.
Fett goes to grab it, and Depa continues to watch.
âHow long ago did you leave your master?â Depa asks. âOr... did he die?â
Ahsoka closes her eyes and shakes her head. She can feel the shivers now, tremors in her biceps and a shudder she canât control in the height of her ribcage. Her teeth grind together, jaw like stone.
âYou donât have to answer that,â Depa assures her. âIâm... going to recommend you see a mind healer on Coruscant.â
That was a forgone conclusion.
A cup clinks onto the table. Fettâs back. âDrink.â
She does.
Depa and Fett continue discussing it as âthe adultsâ at the table. Sheâs older than both of them. Rex is older than all of them. Ahsoka follows about half of what they say. She agrees with most of it. Rex bullies his way into speaking when she doesnât, without her even asking, because he knows her mind as well as she does. Fett rolls with it. Depa lets him.
Sheâs going to reach out to the Temple and see about getting them a ride back to Imperial Center Coruscant.
Fett makes Soka go to bed, taking Leia with her.
---------------------------
She feels more like a person come morning.
Depaâs sitting at the table, datapad in her hands and caff on the table in front of her.
âGood morning,â Ahsoka says, rough and croaking, and Depaâs eyes flick up to meet hers. She nods a shallow hello.
âFeeling better?â
âMuch,â Ahsoka says, and goes about gathering a breakfast. Thereâs definitely some dried meat in here. She can get something fresh when they stop by the market later.
âI was hoping to speak with you about your options,â Depa tells her, once sheâs sat at the table. âFett and your friend Rex took care of most of the negotiation, and I feel like I have an idea of what would work best for you.â
Ahsoka nods slowly. âOkay.â
âThere is a Master-Padawan pair a few planets away,â Depa says. âThe Council informed me when I spoke with them about you and your wards. Theyâd be headed back to the Temple in a few days anyway, and the Council has agreed to extend an offer to Fett to handle the transportation. The presence of a Jedi Master on board will allow for him to get in and out of the Core unmolested, and weâd like for you and yours to have a Jedi escort, given what happened yesterday afternoon.â
Her complete spiral into nonbeing?
âI understand,â she says instead. âI suppose Fett agreed because heâs still trying to get Rex to like him?â
Depa shrugs. âThat part isnât my business.â
Of course it isnât.
âRex can stay with me for a while, right?â Ahsoka finally asks. âI know itâs not exactly protocol, but Iâm...â
âIn need of a support system until youâve seen a mind healer, and against all odds, the child is part of it,â Depa summarizes. âYes, I recognized as much. I think the Council will be able to allow some leeway there. I donât know if heâll enjoy it, given that all the others his age are Initiates, but we can adjust as necessary. On that note... Do you know Leiaâs midichlorian count?â
âNo,â Ahsoka says, and hesitantly adds, âBut her biological father was my Jedi Master, and Iâm told his count broke records even as a child. Given what Leiaâs shown so far... itâs why Iâve been in a hurry to get her to the Temple.â
Depa frowns at her, clearly working through the implications of a Jedi having a daughter and still teaching... and then visibly dismisses the situation, eyes closing to breathe in the steam of her caff.
Biological father certainly implies a child that was raised by her mother or adopted out so the Jedi father could remain in their chosen career without a conflict of interest or duty.
Sheâll tell the council the truth, or... at least Master Koon. Master Kenobi is still a padawan, but she can tell Master Koon.
She already told Jango Fett, of all people.
âPadawan Torrent?â
Her head snaps up. She hasnât been a padawan in over fifteen years. Itâs weird to hear. âIâm sorry, what?â
âI asked if you wanted some time to think it over before I presented the offer to Fett,â Depa says.
Ahsoka gets the distinct feeling that Depa is planning a report to the Council that has âneeds a mind healerâ underlined at least three times.
âNo, Iâm--Iâm fine. That sounds like a good plan.â
âIâll speak with him, then. Would you like to come with?â
"No, thank you.â
---------------------------
Fett agrees. Ahsokaâs pretty sure itâs all to do with Rex and maybe Leia. Itâs probably nothing to do with âSokari.â Sheâs a Jedi, an adult in mind and in body, or at least close enough to count. Sheâs a damn sight more âenemyâ to Fett than the other two are. Not as much as Depa, maybe, but Fettâs been playing nice with her for Leiaâs sake.
He plays nice with Ahsoka for Rexâs. Thatâs all.
Theyâre only a few planets over from the meeting point, and they have a few days to hang around before the escort meets them. Depa hadnât given them a name--apparently it could have compromised the opsec for the Jedi team--but Ahsokaâs pretty sure sheâll be able to identify almost anyone. She gets the feeling that the Force is going to send her a familiar face, just as it did Master Padawan Billaba.
Ahsoka lets herself feel the world around her. Itâs dark and dreary, in the sense that the beaten-down port is full of petty crimes and less petty horrors, but itâs still lighter than most of the Empire had been. She sneaks away from the ship at night, ignoring Fett at her back, and performs a bit of vigilante justice while she can. Sheâll be banned from doing so as soon as sheâs reinstated as a Jedi, probably, but for now... for now, she can look at the drug cartels and âtheyâre not slaves, reallyâ workers and do something to help.
She doesnât use her sabers. She doesnât need to. Itâs been a long time since she has, for small fry like these.
âWhat are you doing?â Fett asks her, landing heavily behind her back.
âChip removal,â she says, hand pressed to the slaveâs leg. Her eyes are closed, but she can hear him shifting. âLet me concentrate, I donât have a meddroid for this.â
Heâs silent until she finishes, and waits until the people sheâs helped are on their way to the planetâs freedom routes. He doesnât ask what she did with the owners.
âYouâve done this before.â
âRegularly,â she confirms. âYou?â
He doesnât answer that, just ambles over to the the chains and stares down at them.
âFett?â
âYou go through this like itâs as easy as breathing,â he says. âItâs... impressive.â
âI guess?â she hesitates to continue. âIâm... I donât think of it that way. This is the easy stuff. A time-waster that helps people. If I wanted to help for real, Iâd been going after Jabba or Sidious or--â
âHow old were you?â he asks, turning on his heel to face her dead-on. The vocoder of his helmet pulls the emotion from his voice. âWhen did this... these missions, the slavery battles, when did that start for you?â
âFourteen,â she says. Sheâs not entirely sure, really, what counted as a mission for ending slavery and what counted as just a part of war, but she can round down. âMaybe fifteen. Itâs a bit of a blur.â
âAnd you just kept doing it.â
âOf course,â she says. âIf I have the time and the energy, if I need to do something and thereâs nothing official on my hands, why not?â
He doesnât answer her.
---------------------------
Rex greets them before she does.
Ahsoka, in her defense, is asleep at the time. Itâs a restless sleep, but itâs enough that she doesnât sense the nearing Force signatures until theyâre almost at the ship.
She recognizes one of them.
âAuntie âSoka?â Leia questions, when she lurches to her feet and starts pulling on her boots with all the energy of a zombie. âWhere are you going?â
âJedi,â Ahsoka grunts. âHere.â
âI see.â
Leia dresses to follow her, in a little coat thatâll withstand the chill of the outside air, and Ahsoka makes it to the cargo hold just in time to hear Rex saying, âIâm not shaking your hand until you put your gloves on, Vos.â
She laughs to herself, breathless with the knowledge of what sheâs about to find. She jumps the railing of the upper walkway, drops down just in front of the Master-Padawan team, and keeps her back to Fett and Rex. âHello, there.â
One human, one Kiffar. She knows the latter.
âWould you be Sokari Torrent?â the Master asks.
âI am,â she says, with a slight bow. She can tell thereâs a bit of judgement for how sheâs dressed, but theyâre covering it well. A Shadow and his trainee know the value of armor better than most Jedi bother with. âIâm afraid Padawan Billaba didnât inform me of your names before we met.â
âAnd yet your friend knew my padawan,â the Master says.
âBy reputation,â she says, as smoothly as she can. âIâve encountered Quinlan Vos before, though I doubt he remembers--â
âIâd remember someone like you,â Quinlan interrupts, with a grin sheâs sure is meant to be charming and rogueish.
Heâs... very young for her, and not her type. Mostly, she wants to pat him on the head, but that probably wouldnât go over very well. She still looks like sheâs younger than him.
âAnyway,â she says, turning back to the master, âIâm afraid I still donât know who you are, Master.â
âI am Tholme,â he says, with the bow that a Master gives a Padawan. She feels a little slighted, but itâs fine. She looks the right age, itâs fine.
Itâs not like they know.
âItâs nice to meet you, Master Tholme,â she says. âMy charges are Rex Torrent, the young man behind me, and currently coming down the ladder is Leia Antilles. Iâm sure youâre aware of Jango Fett.â
âThe Mandâalor,â Quinlan volunteers, and Ahsoka can almost hear Fettâs teeth grinding.
âDonât call me that,â he says. Sheâs sure heâs got a hand drifting for his blaster.
âThere isnât a whole lot of room on the ship,â she says before the men can get into whatever weird contest sheâs sure someone might start. Her betâs on Fett. âBut Leia and Rex are small enough to share with me, so Iâm sure we can make it work.â
âThereâs spare rolls for anyone comfortable with sleeping in the hold,â Fett grunts. âOr on the floor in the passenger room.â
âWell, I guess I could ask for a little help fi--â
âVos,â Ahsoka snaps, letting her voice take on the kind of âobey me or get fresher dutyâ irritation that sheâd perfected back when the rebellion still had her managing people, before theyâd realized she was more use in the field. âDo not.â
Thereâs a momentâs pause, and Tholme looks unimpressed with that raised eyebrow, but the kind of unimpressed thatâs split between his own padawan and the stranger before him.
âUm,â Quinlan says. âI just--â
âNo,â she cuts him off. âNo flirting.â
Itâs weird and uncomfortable and sheâd have maybe been okay with it if she was actually the seventeen-or-eighteen-ish(?) that she looked, but sheâs not. Sheâs in her thirties and Vos is... what, twenty? Twenty-one? No.
He stares at her, and she wonders momentarily if sheâd gone too far in the direction of judging his intentions in the Force and preempted actual flirtations.
âIâm sorry?â He offers, looking confused, but ashamed. âI, uh, Iâll keep that in mind.â
She definitely preempted the actual flirtation.
Fuck.
Ahsoka closes her eyes and breathes in. Breathes out. Opens her eyes. âRight. That was... Iâm not sure how much Padawan Billaba told you about me.â
âEnough,â Tholme says. He moves forward and puts a hand on Quinlanâs shoulder. Ahsoka has no idea if itâs to comfort him or hold him back. âI didnât share most of it with my padawan, but I have a general understanding of whatâs going on.â
Quinlan darts a look at his teacher, but Ahsoka doesnât acknowledge it. Itâs fine. Everything is fine.
âThank you for your understanding,â she says, and bows, and stiffly turns away to walk to the galley.
---------------------------
Leia squirms into the bench seat, shoving her way under Ahsokaâs arm like a particularly wriggly tooka.
âWhat was that?â Leia demands, the authority of a rebellion general rather useless in the squeaky voice of a child.
âWhat was what?â
âThe whole thing with Padawan Vos,â Leia says. âYou blew up at him before he even did anything.â
Thatâs pretty true.
âI felt the flirtation coming before it happened and reacted inappropriately because I panicked. Iâm significantly older than him, but I canât tell him that, so itâs just awkward and uncomfortable and... Iâm not okay, Princess. I havenât been for a long time.â
âYeah, we can tell.â
âLeia.â
âWhat? I need therapy too! Captain Rex needs therapy! Iâm pretty sure Fett needs therapy! You, Fulcrum, you really need therapy. None of us are okay.â She huffs, wiggling impossibly closer. âI donât like it, but itâs true.â
âI know,â Ahsoka groans. âI just... I just need to hold out until the Temple.â
âWill you be able to hold it together if you see someone you actually care about?â Leia demands. âWhat are you going to do when you see Kenobi?â
âStop.â
âIâm serious, you--â
âLeia, thatâs enough,â she snaps. âI was fighting that war before you were even born, and Iâve dealt with the consequences since. I know the risks and Iâll thank you to remember who taught you to control your own mind.â
Leia stiffens, sucking in a sharp breath. âThat was uncalled for.â
âYouâre not the child you appear to be,â Ahsoka reminds her, not a little sharply. âYou want to dish it out, be ready to take it. What will you do when we see Bail Organa? When we see the toddler that is Anakin Skywalker?â
âI get it.â
âIâm not sure you do,â Ahsoka mutters. She isnât surprised when Leia ducks out of the embrace and leaves the galley. She lets the girl go, guilt warring with the memory of how Master Kenobi had more than once spoken that way to Anakin at the height of the war. The fact that sheâs an adult in the body of a child isnât an excuse for poking at Ahsokaâs open wounds. It was cruel and unnecessary, and unbecoming of a... not a Jedi. A princess. A politician.
She rests her head on her arms and zones out. She should meditate, but that seems like... too much effort.
She can feel Vos and Tholme setting up in the room theyâve been assigned. Neither seems particularly angry. Most likely, Tholmeâs given the absolute shortest explanation of âchild soldier, dead master, highly traumatized and emotionally unstableâ to Vos to smooth over the incident in the cargo hold. Rex is with Leia; heâs agitated, but less so than Leia herself. Fettâs annoyed, in the cockpit, but he seems annoyed as often as not. Thereâs a shudder at lift-off, and a few minutes later, theyâre in hyperspace, headed for the Core.
Fett finds her, falls into the other bench in full armor, and drops his elbows onto the table. The helmet clunks down a moment later.
She doesnât lift her head. âWhat do you want?â
âDo I need to keep Vos away from you?â
âWhat?â
âVos. He made you uncomfortable. Was that him being someone that hurt you in the future, or just the interaction being awkward?â
She lifts her head. She stares at him. âWhat?â
He leans back and crosses his arms. âDo you need me to tell Vos to stay the hell away from you?â
Sheâs gaping. âYou realize Iâm thirty-two, right? I can handle my own battles.â
âYouâre also traumatized as hell and everyone can see it,â Fett argues back. âIf Vos himself is a trigger, I can handle it.â
âHeâs not,â she tells him. This is strange. Fettâs being strange. âHe was actually a friend of my grandmasterâs. Iâm just uncomfortable with the flirting because Iâm a lot older than he realizes, and I canât tell him that.â
He nods sharply, and then looks away. The silence sits.
âThanks for asking?â Ahsoka says, well aware of how her confusion over the offer turns it into a question. âI mean, thank you for... caring.â
I guess, she finishes in the privacy of her own head. Or at least pretending to.
Fett makes a face, still not facing her. He eyes the galley instead. She can guess where his thoughts are going. The galley is... not very big, especially with six people on board instead of one, but sheâs sure theyâve stocked up enough. On the off chance they do go through more than expected, because of how many growing bodies are in residence, they can stop off and buy more. They have those resources now.
Jango never does ask what she did with the slavers.
âWhoâs going to cry if I spice things properly?â he asks.
âProbably Leia,â she says immediately. âVos will try to power through it even though heâs going to be overwhelmed. No idea about Tholme, but I think heâll keep a straight face whether he likes it or not. Rex and I are fine, âhotâ was pretty much the only flavor of seasoning the GAR had.â
âGAR?â
âGrand Army of the Republic.â
He finally looks at her.
âYou already knew I was a child soldier, Fett; donât act surprised.â
âThat doesnât mean I like hearing about it.â
âI was fourteen. Thatâs old enough by Mando standards, Fett. Just think back, when did you get on the battlefield?â
âI take your point,â he says, lip curling unpleasantly. âIt just hits different now that Iâm old enough to look back and think of how damned young fourteen really is.â
Ahsoka shrugs. âYeah, well--â
âYou said the clones were ten.â
Thereâs the rub, isnât it?
Of course it was about the clones.
â...closer to seven, by the end. Kamino was just making speedies at that point. Triple growth on the average instead of double, but averages in that case meant theyâd been growing at double rates for six years and then got forced through four growth cycles in a single year to beef up the army when we kept losing men.â She looks down at the table, picking at a scratch in the plastipaint with her nail. âRex and the rest of the ones from the beginning were basically twenty in mind and body, even if theyâd only been decanted ten years earlier. The speedies... I always wondered. Theyâd gone from functionally twelve to functionally twenty in a year. Thatâs not... even in Kamino, that canât have been normal. They didnât act like adults, not the way the originals did.â
Fett rubs at his face, groaning. He swears under his breath in three different languages.
She pities him, if only because he hasnât actually done any of this yet. Heâs paying for the crimes of a man he likely wonât ever become.
She kicks him under the table. âWanna make tiingilar and see how long it takes Vos to start crying while he insists itâs fine?â
---------------------------
Dinner is when the questions start. Some are relatively easy. Others, not so much.
âMy Master was Leiaâs biological father,â is an easy truth to share. âShe inherited his power, so I need to get her to the temple for her own safety, because home no longer is.â
âYes, her adoptive parents were unfortunately killed rather recently. Weâd prefer not to talk about it.â
âRex is with me. Where he goes, I go, and vice versa.â
That one gets her an odd look.
âI thought...â Quinlan trails off, gesturing between Rex and Fett.
Fett keeps his face impassive, but his discomfort and guilt leak into the Force. âI didnât know Rex existed until I ran into these three in a spaceport cantina a few weeks ago.â
Quinlan blinks at him, looks at Rex again, and then turns back to Fett with a grin that might have been described as âsaucyâ if he were less smug about it. âWild oats, huh?â
âAre you shitting me right now,â Leia whispers, and Ahsoka elbows her.
âThat was inappropriate, padawan.â
Quinlanâs grin fades as Fett just continues to eye him.
âUm, so--â
âHow old is the kid?â Fett interrupts.
Darting eyes answer him, as Quinlan tries to gauge Rex. âTen? Maybe twelve?â
âAnd how old am I?â
â...early thirties?â
âIâm twenty-seven.â
Quinlanâs grin fades further as he does the math.
âIâd have been between fifteen and seventeen when he was born,â Fett says, tone flat. âBetween fourteen and sixteen at conception. I know damn well I wasnât doing anything that could have resulted in a kid at that age.â
Quinlan rallies. âSo, brothers?â
Tholme sighs loudly, hand over his eyes.
âIâm a clone,â Rex says, and Ahsoka can feel the amusement he gets out of Quinlanâs confused shock. Theyâd both had plenty of respect for Master Vos, but Padawan Vos was nothing but trouble. âHarvested genetic material, grown in a tube, inconsistent aging meaning I donât even know how old I am for sure.â
âI broke him out,â Ahsoka adds, which is half true.
âThere was a chip in my head,â Rex adds, with a bright smile. Quinlanâs discomfort grows. âShe got it out. Also, lots of brothers. None of them are... around anymore. The creators were trying to make an army.â
Vos and Tholme have no response. Fett looks like heâs been carved out of stone. Leiaâs just ignoring them and picking at her food.
Ahsoka lifts a hand and, without looking, Rex high-fives her.
---------------------------
âDrop your elbow.â
Ahsoka tries to cover her smile at the dirty look that Leia shoots Fett. Fett remains unimpressed by the glare of royalty, just gestures for the girl to do as he said.
âI know how to fight,â Leia grumbles. âI took lessons. I was good at them.â
âAnd Iâm better,â Fett says, leaving no room for argument. âYou want the Torrents to take over?â
The Torrents. Rex and Soka. She likes being referred to that way. Like theyâre a team that never got split up.
Force, she wished theyâd never gotten split up.
âAgain,â Fett orders, and Leia moves through the Mandalorian kata with ill grace in her emotions and all grace in her sweeping limbs.
Well, as much grace as an undersized six-year-old can, at any rate.
âThink heâll ask me to spar her again?â Rex asks, dropping down into the seat next to Ahsoka and passing her a drink.
âMaybe,â she acknowledges. âI think heâs wondering if itâs worth asking Vos to spar with her, so she gets more experience with size differences.â
âHm?â
âShe flinched at his face again,â she tells him. âThe whole... thing with Boba, I guess. She still wonât tell me why Fett triggers her sometimes, but heâs not pressing her to spar with him, and thereâs only so much she can get out of fighting me. Asking Tholme would be presumptuous, but Vos is just a padawan. I think itâd work out.â
âAnd you?â
She looks at him, already feeling a cresting wave of bullshit she doesnât want to deal with. âWhat about me?â
âAre you going to spar with the Jedi?â
She should. She hasnât sparred with a saber since she got tossed back into a body only half-familiar to her. Sheâs let Leia borrow the shorter one to learn some basic blocking moves, Shii-Cho and then, with hesitance, the first Soresu form. Another time, she loaned it to Rex to practice some attacks; they both know that the next time he picks up her saber in battle, having lost his weapons or she her grip, it will be neither the first or last time he wields a sword of light. None of that, however, is... sparring.
None of that is against someone who knows what theyâre doing.
How long has it been since she sparred with anyone other than Kanan and Ezra?
How long has it been since she sparred without the looming specter of Darth Vader in the back of her mind, without fear of the Inquisitors, without the knowledge that any saber held by someone other than her two friends would be red as blood and twice as drenched.
Would she be able to hold back as she fought?
âI should,â she acknowledges, eyes on where Fett is nudging Leiaâs feet into position for some kind of leveraging flip. Sheâs so small. âIt would probably be a good idea to spar against a master at some point.â
âDo you think you can?â Rex asks.
âI never knew him,â she says. âAnd he isnât Dark. It should be fine.â
Rex nods, taking her word for it. They watch as Leia stumbles on a final move, and Fett gestures for her to sit down and get a drink.
âThat man is a terror,â she informs them.
(Sheâd once described him as a slave-driver. She had not made that mistake twice.)
âLeast itâs not Kamino!â Rex tells her cheerfully. When Leia refuses to look impressed, he laughs at her.
Ahsoka has a half-secondâs warning before heavy boots thud to the ground next to her. âWhatâs Kamino?â
âHello, Vos, itâs nice to see you too,â she drawls. âIâm good, thanks for asking, and yourself?â
The boy-not-quite-man rolls his eyes. âHi, Torrents; hi, tiny one.â
Leia glares at him next.
âSo, Kamino?â
âPlanet by Rishi,â Rex says.
âWhy were you there?â
âThey specialize in cloning.â
Ahsoka covers her mouth as the conversation drops into the same awkward gap that always happens when Quinlan stumbles into a subject he didnât know to avoid.
âLike... you were made there, or you were researching how it works for your own--â
Ahsoka slaps a hand over his mouth. âNowâs a great time to stop talking.â
He licks her palm.
She bares her teeth and arches her fingers just enough to press nails into his cheek.
He bites at her palm, and she yanks her hand away.
âYouâre all children,â Leia accuses, conveniently forgetting that Ahsoka and Rex are both over a decade older than her.
âI can throw you the length of a swimming pool,â Ahsoka tells her. âOne of the fancy competition-ready ones that would make a Tatooinian cry. You are absolutely the child here.â
âUsing the Force is cheating, sir,â Rex informs her.
âOnly if thereâs a competition,â Ahsoka shoots back. âAnd proving that a certain princess is a small child is not a competition. Itâs a declarative fact.â
âIâm going to rip open the seams on all your tops except the ugliest one,â Leia decides.
âTry me,â Ahsoka challenges. âAdiâka.â
A low, rough cough interrupts them. âAre you done?â
Fett has his arms crossed, and an eyebrow raised. He knows theyâre all adults here, and is entirely unamused. As the silence drags, the eyebrow climbs a little higher.
âDone with what?â Quinlan finally asks, thereby volunteering himself to spar in hand-to-hand with Jango Fett, as one does.
âPoor, poor Vos,â Rex laughs, watching as Fett barks out orders at Quinlan every five seconds to fix his footwork, to stop dropping his guard, to stop wasting energy on flips instead of just dodging the easy way.
âThrow him!â Ahsoka calls. To her delight, Fett obliges.
The thing is, Quinlan isnât bad at brawling. Heâs got training, endurance, skill. The man knows what heâs doing, objectively. Heâs just not a match for Fett, and is used enough to relying on his saber that his hand-to-hand skills are rusty. They are perhaps less rusty than those Jedi who donât take questionable jobs in the Mid-Outer Rim, and Ahsokaâs got a suspicion that Vos regularly gets into bar fights in his downtime, but none of that is enough for him to actually do more than survive against Fett without his saber.
Even the saber wouldnât help, if Fett had his armor.
âWhose idea was this?â
Ahsoka cranes her head back and smiles. âHello, Master Tholme. Vos... volunteered.â
âDid he know he was volunteering?â
âNo comment.â
Tholme snorts, crossing his arms and eyeing the spar in front of him. âI thought Fett hated Jedi. Giving us a ride for the sake of you three is one thing, but why is he teaching my padawan?â
Ahsoka shrugs. âConstructive bullying?â
Thereâs a small twitch of a smile, quickly gone. âHe said something wrong, Iâm guessing?â
âThere was no way he could have known,â she dismisses. âWeâre just, like, ninety-percent tragic backstories.â
âYouâd think the Force would warn him,â Rex notes.
âThatâs not how the Force works,â Leia chides.
âNo, no, heâs right,â Ahsoka corrects. âThe Force does sometimes step in to stop a person from saying something stupid. However, Padawan Vos is at an age where people think they are very rational while being more irrational than they likely ever will be again.â
âDo I want to ask what you were doing at that age?â Tholme asks.
âRunning bla...â she trails off, then whips around to gape at him.
He smiles, bland and unassuming. âDoes Fett know?â
âKnow... what?â Ahsoka asks.
âThat youâre significantly older than you look,â he says, voice just low enough that the sparring duo canât hear him. âAll three of you.â
Ahsoka turns back to the spar, only catching Tholme out of the corner of her eye. âHe knows.â
âMm. Were you planning on telling the Council?â
âYes.â That part was never in question. âHow did you figure it out?â
âI am a good investigator,â he says. âAnd you rely a little too heavily on your physical forms to obfuscate. Were it just one of you, that wouldnât be a problem, but the pattern repeated across three is a little easier to discern.â
âI hoped the whole âchild soldiersâ thing would be a bigger distraction,â Ahsoka mutters. She glances at Leia and Rex. Both of them are used to being in charge to some degree, giving orders and making contingency plans, but in this... in this, Ahsoka is in charge. Theyâd decided that at the very start. It didnât matter that Rex had lived longer and had more experience, or that Leia had held the highest Rebellion rank of the three of them. Ahsoka had been agreed as leader, and they were relying on her.
Theyâre waiting on her orders. Stiff and unhappy, in Leiaâs case, but they trust her.
âWill you be telling Vos?â She asks.
âNo,â Tholme says. âYour secrets remain your own unless they endanger us, and Iâve a feeling they wonât be.â
âDonât be so sure,â Rex jokes, smile not reaching his eyes. âIâve been working with this family for too long to trust that trouble wonât find them around the next corner.â
âThis family?â Tholme repeats.
âSokari was telling the truth about her master being Leiaâs biological father,â Rex says. He shrugs. âI worked with him, with his wife, with both of his kids, with his master and his padawan. All of them, to a one, are trouble magnets.â
âAh, but thatâs not the secret thatâs putting us in danger,â Tholme points out. âSimply existence as a Jedi.â
Rex shrugs. âFair enough. Donât say I didnât warn you, though.â
Ahsoka lurches to her feet, turning with a smile and dancing backward into the the stretch of empty cargo hold they used for such things. âA spar, Master Tholme?â
He looks past her, to Quinlan, and raises a brow. âWould you not prefer to spar with someone a little closer to your level first?â
She barks out a laugh. âMaster Tholme, Iâm afraid Iâve spent more of my life fighting to survive than having normal friendly spars. My style is more lethal than the average, and youâve already seen what warâs done to my mind. I ask to spar with you because, if I lose control, if I slip in time or react on an instinct that isnât appropriate, I trust that youâll be more able to stop me than a senior padawan.â
He smiles. âYes, I gathered as much. Still, better to ask. Shall we wait for them to finish up?â
Ahsoka shrugs, turns, and yells. âClear the deck!â
Rex snorts behind her, and lowly mutters, âSir, yes, sir.â
She smirks at him over her shoulder. âAt ease, Captain.â
âThatâs âCommanderâ to you, I got promoted,â he sniffs, chin held high.
Heavy steps herald Fettâs arrival at their little group. âThe hells are you doing?â
âIâm going to have a spar with a Jedi Master, and I want you and Vos to not get stabbed.â
âIâm not that easy to injure in an actual fight, let alone by accident,â Fett grouses. He looks up and over at Vos, who is already significantly taller, if a fair shot less built. âThis one, on the other hand...â
âHey!â
Ahsoka laughs and backs into the center of the cargo hold, drawing her sabers. âDonât worry, Vos, I wonât play dirty. Youâll probably get your master back in one piece.â
He wrinkles his nose at her. âGetting a bit ahead of yourself there, arenât you? Heâs a Jedi Master and former Watchman. Youâre... what, eighteen?â
Ahsoka raises a brow and activates her sabers, tapping the blades together and watching as more than one person winces. âWanna bet on how long I last?â
âNo,â he says immediately, stepping back to join Rex on the bench. âYouâve already blindsided me enough. Iâm not dumb enough to fall for whatever youâve got up your sleeve.â
âI donât have sleeves.â
âArmwarmers-slash-greaves, then.â
âGreaves go on the legs, these are vambraces.â
He throws his hands up in the air. âIâm just going to stop talking now!â
âGood plan,â Leia snarks, and then literally hisses when Rex ruffles her hair.
Tholme lights his saber and sinks into an opening stance.
Ahsoka mirrors him.
---------------------------
She wins, but barely. She's had a few weeks to practice her forms, has sparred hands-only with Rex and Fett, but this is her first real try at using her sabers against a person, instead of a blaster or thin air, since she arrived in the past. Sheâs only mostly adjusted to her body.
But Tholme is a healer and a watchman, not a duelist. Ahsoka held her own against Ventress, against Grievous, against Maul when she was this age. Still adjusting to her body or not, her lineage is one of battle, and it bled true.
âYouâre terrifying,â Quinlan tells her after theyâre done, smiling like the sun as he hands her a towel. âPlease never turn that on me.â
She laughs at him. âWould you believe that Iâm out of practice?â
âOut of practice with what?â he asks, horrified and fascinated. âFighting Sith Lords?â
âAmong other things,â she says, and smirks when he chokes on his drink. âMultiple darkside users who claimed to be Sith, at least. One being a full Lord, one that was disowned by his master, and one that was apprenticed to a Banite apprentice, so she wasnât technically allowed to be a Darth because of the rule of two.â
Tholme meets her eyes past Quinlanâs shoulder, head tilted and eyes half-shut in consideration. Heâs taking her seriously. He knows what sheâs not saying.
âHow...â Quinlan trails off and shakes his head. âYou know what, no. Asking you people questions never ends well.â
âGood plan,â Ahsoka says, clapping a hand down on his shoulder. âAlso, you need to spar with Fett more. Your footwork is shit.â
âIt is not,â Quinlan gripes. âYouâre all just scary good at this stuff.â
âYou mean surviving?â Leia pipes up, and smiles innocently when Quinlan turns to pout at her.
âYouâre getting bullied by a six-year-old,â Rex informs him.
âYeah,â Quinlan sighs. âI know.â
Ahsoka laughs, and itâs fine. Itâs all fine. For a week, everything is honestly great. She trains, she laughs, she works through the nightmares.
Then fucking Denon happens.
---------------------------
Denon is a city-planet on the intersection of two major hyperlanes. Itâs the kind of place where they stop for two things:
Fuel.
Paperwork.
Technically, thereâs a whole mess of paperwork they have to fill out to continue along this specific hyperlane, since they arenât official Republic ships, and donât have the licenses to just pass along like ships that are pre-registered to the Trade Federation or the like. They could sneak past--literally all of them know smugglerâs routes--but itâs honestly less of a pain to do things legally. They have a Jedi Master. They have cash. Some of that cash wasnât quite legally acquired, but nobody needs to know that.
Itâs supposed to be a pit stop. Thatâs all.
Itâs just a pit stop.
But no, the galaxy isnât that kind and Ahsokaâs luck is currently being compounded with a Skywalker, two Fetts, and Vos, which means that of course they run into trouble. Of course they do. There was never any other option, was there?
âMotherfucker,â Ahsoka snaps, lifting her head up and slamming her drink on the table.
The glass is empty. Thatâs good. Theyâre in a restaurant right now, a little splurging after weeks with only each othersâ company, and spilling the sugary child-friendly juice with that move would have drawn way too much attention from the servers.
âLanguage,â Tholme says, voice idly unconcerned.
âSir?â Rex asks, kicking Ahsoka under the table. âWhatâs wrong?â
âWhatâs wr--that jackass,â she hisses, getting to her feet. âRex, grab a blaster, Iâve got shebs to kick.â
âOkay,â Rex says, grabbing one out of Fettâs holster and scooting out of the booth before anyone can tell him not to. âWhose?â
âI didnât even know that he was... osik, I donât have jurisdiction,â she realizes. âI donât have any record of wrongdoing. I canât arrest him since we donât have evidence of criminal wrongdoing...â
âAre you two going to explain whatâs going on?â Vos asks. âOr sit down, maybe?â
Ahsoka makes her decision. She eyes the window--the restaurant in question is a little dingy, but itâs also several dozen stories in the air. âRex, remember the thing we did on Geonosis that you hated?â
He pauses, and then sighs heavily. âYes, sir. I remember the... yeeting.â
Hah. That slang doesnât even exist yet.
âGreat. With me!â
Itâs a good thing the windows are forcefields instead of transparisteel. A bit of a twist to the energy and theyâre gone.
She only hears a little screaming before the wind tears all noises away while they plummet.
They land lightly--of course--and Ahsoka wraps them both in a donât notice me aura. Nobody even notices that theyâve just come from above. Itâs great that she can just Do These Things again, and get brushed off as Weird Jedi Shit, instead of worrying about the Empire. Sheâs missed being able to jump out of windows without fear.
Rex follows her as she starts running through the city. They donât have comms, and heâs still so small, which means he canât keep up with her even if she runs at normal speeds without Force enhancement.
âShould you carry me?â he asks, before she can figure out if itâs worth suggesting. She did it a few times before they joined up with Jango.
âItâs not... urgent, I think,â she says. She hesitates to speak, even as she keeps jogging with Rex at her heels. âHonestly, Iâm trying to figure out if thereâs anything I can ding him for so we can attack him. Itâs all well and good that I can beat him right now, but all the crimes I know about havenât happened yet, so it wouldnât be legal...â
âCommander?â
âHm?â
âI have no idea who youâre talking about.â
She scrolls the conversation back mentally, considers, and says, âOh.â
âWhoâs getting steamrolled?â
âUh, Maulâs here,â Ahsoka admits.
âAh,â Rex says. He makes a face. âI understand the desire to jump out a window, now. I donât agree with it, but I understand.â
Ahsoka laughs. âI mean, I just... every time Iâve seen him for almost twenty years, itâs been like... on sight, you know? Weâve never not attacked each other, except when I needed him to cause problems on Mandalore. But I always knew I was in the right, then.â
âSo... what do we arrest him for?â Rex prompts.
âUm... carrying a lightsaber without a license?â she hazards. âWeâll need Tholme there. Hopefully I can just shout at him and heâll attack me, but I think he only went full nutjob after Master Kenobi cut his legs off. He might be too controlled to try to kill me just for yelling at him.â
â...do we have to stalk him?â Rex asks, sounding like heâd most likely sigh if he werenât mid-run.
She scoops him up and swings him around onto her back before she answers. âI think we have to stalk him, Rexâika.â
âDonât call me that.â
---------------------------
Maul is... exceptionally sneaky, actually. Either that, or he hasnât done anything wrong yet. Ahsokaâs betting on the former, because sheâs seen this particular skocha kung take over a planet before anyone realized he was the most dangerous person around.
Or maybe heâs just not committing crimes, and is in fact just here to buy groceries.
Heâs examining a papaya.
She fantasizes about jumping across the market and greeting him with a heel to the cheekbone.
âAre you imagining a flying kick, Sir?â
âYeah...â
âHeâs examining a papaya, Sir.â
âI know...â
âDoes he know weâre here?â
âI donât know. Maybe? Do you think I should go hit him?â
âNo.â
âShould I hit on him?â
âNo, Sir. I would not advise that.â
âHeâs looking at the neloms.â
âI can see that.â
âWhy does he have to be so bo--did he just fucking bite a nelom?â
âIt appears so, Sir.â
âLike... like rind and all. Just bit the little fucker.â
âSeems it.â
A scuff of metal. âWhat the fuck are you two doing?â
Ahsoka tips her head around to peer through the grate. âWeâre spying, Fett, what does it look like weâre doing?â
Rex cranes his head. âWeâre hanging upside-down from a fire escape to get a look at a suspected Sith Apprentice that is currently shopping for various fruits, Mandâalor.â
Ahsoka waves. âHi, Master Tholme.â
âSokari,â the master greets. âThis seems a very conspicuous way to spy.â
She shrugs as well as she can from this angle. âYes, but you see, this wayâs more fun.â
âIs it now.â
Rex shifted. âHeâs on the move!â
âTo kill someone?!â
âNo, to the deli meats.â
âKriff.â
---------------------------
Apparently, Tholme and Fett had told Quinlan to take care of Leia, as Leia had wanted to finish her juice and refused to get involved in the Torrentsâ nonsense. According to her, if they couldnât be bothered to explain the nonsense, they didnât need her.
This was true and accurate.
Quinlan shows up while theyâre still stalking Maul, having moved to a low rooftop for a decent vantage point with less likelihood of being spotted. Heâs giving Leia an eopie-back ride, and the pout on her face at needing it is adorable. She pouts harder when she sees them.
âAre you even trying to hide?â Leia scoffs.
âNot really,â Ahsoka admits. Sheâs got Fettâs binoculars out. âIâm not sure heâs caught wind of the fact that weâre here yet.â
âOr he has and heâs just biding his time to escape while weâre distracted,â Tholme points out.
âMeh,â Ahsoka says, avidly devouring the visual that is a teenage Maul glaring at leafy vegetables. âI just want him to do something so I have an excuse to beat his ass.â
âDo I get to know who?â Quinlan asks, setting Leia down on the roof. âOr are we going to keep being completely unwilling to share information?â
âBaby Sith Lord,â Ahsoka says. âHeâs fifteen. A child.â
âA baby,â Rex agrees.
âYouâre... thatâs... ugh,â Quinlan groans as loudly and as dramatically as he dares, flopping down to the rooftop. âMaster Tholme, please tell me this isnât a real Sith.â
âHeâs Dark,â Tholme confirms. âSith is... up for debate until we have evidence.â
âHeâs a bitch is what he is,â Ahsoka mutters. She observes the teenager in question stop to poke at some pink tomatoes. âE chu ta, break the law, already!â
âDoes he have a lightsaber?â Quinlan asks. âIf he has a lightsaber and no Jedi ID or specialty license, we can probably arrest him.â
âAuntie Soka doesnât have a license or ID,â Leia points out.
âSheâs got a Jedi escort,â Tholme says. âAnd if our supposed Sith is polite and plays nice, we can probably escort him to the Temple as well.â
Rex snorts derisively.
âDo you know why heâs on Denon?â Fett asks.
âNo clue,â Ahsoka admits. âEvil reasons, probably.â
âYouâre useless,â Leia tells her.
âThanks, princess, howâs that attempt to open the jam jar by yourself coming?â
Leia says something very inappropriate for a princess, for a child, and for a lady. Itâs fairly appropriate for a soldier, which is admittedly what sheâs been for a few years now. Ahsoka sticks her tongue out at the girl like the mature operative she is.
âI wish we could still get him to lose his osik by just showing up and insulting him,â Rex mutters, low enough that Quinlan probably canât hear.
âI wanna punch him in the face,â Ahsoka confesses. âI want him to try to punch me in the face, and fail.â
âDonât bully the baby Sith,â Rex admonishes.
âHeâs a Sith.â
âHeâs fifteen, itâs tacky.â
âBut itâs Maul.â
âI know, but youâre tw--significantly older than him.â
âBut... but itâs the motherfucker himself.â
â...you can bully him a little, but only because heâs a Sith.â
Fett steals the binoculars. âYou can borrow them again when you stop acting like children.â
âI donât know what you mean,â Rex says, dry as Ryloth. âIâm ten.â
âPretty tall for your age,â Ahsoka mutters, and then giggles.
âDonât steal my jokes,â Rex says. He elbows her, hard.
âYou know,â Quinlan says, slow and tired. âMaster Tholme and I are trained investigators.â
Ahsoka and Rex look at each other, and then up at him.
âOkay?â
â...do you want me to find actual evidence of this guy doing something criminal?â
âOh, yes please.â
---------------------------
Quinlan, as it turns out, is not overselling his skills. He does catch Maul doing something illegal later that day. Itâs a little more âstealing corporate secrets in the dead of nightâ and less âtorturing people for kicks,â but itâs still enough to legally arrest him. Quinlan attempts to do so.
Quinlan does not succeed, and is forced to jump out a window to avoid getting cut in half. Maul follows, steals a passing speeder by throwing out the driver, and takes off. Someone--looks like Tholme--drops back to save the driver, but the rest of them give chase. Ahsoka gleefully takes point on that, of course. Sheâs the best pilot.
(Rex looks bored, but someone is likely to puke by the end of the night. She hopes itâs not Leia, who insisted on coming for some fucking reason.)
âHow the kriff is a teenager that good?!â Quinlan yells, clinging to the edge of the speeder to avoid getting tipped out as Ahsoka swerves around a corner with a wild laugh.
âHeâs a Sith!â Leia shouts over the wind. âWhat do you think?â
Quinlan is not impressed by the claim of Sith.
Ahsoka screeches as she drifts across four lanes of traffic and into an alleyway to pursue Maul. Heâs pretty good at dodging cross-building walkways, but sheâs better. She bares her teeth, hissing, and tries to pick a plan.
âVos, howâs your aim with Force throws?â She calls to the backseat.
âUh, decent?â
âGreat! Fettâs the projectile!â
Vos takes a second longer to process that than Jango does.
âIâm wh--â
He cuts off, screaming, and is flung forward by Quinlan to crash headfirst into a teenage Sith.
âTake the wheel!â Ahsoka commands, not waiting to see who follows the order, because Fett and Maul are both getting to their feet, the other speeder is about to crash, and sheâs not sure whoâs going to win that fight.
She jumps from the speeder theyâve been violently dragging around Denon, and lands feet-first on Maulâs... shoulder.
Hm.
That definitely dislocated something.
âYou should wear armor!â she chirps at him, drawing both sabers and grinning as he whirls to face her, eyes wide with hate.
Heâs utterly silent.
Thatâs disturbing. Expected, but disturbing.
âDid you just throw me?â Fett demands, higher pitched than sheâd normally expect.
âNo, Vos threw you.â
âBecause you told him to!â
âYeah, itâs a good strategy!â
âIt is not!â
âWhy not? Throwing people was standard practice in the GAR.â
She canât see his face, but sheâs pretty sure heâs about ready to strangle her.
Ahsoka cannot, at that point, continue snarking with the father of her best friend, because thereâs a red lightsaber coming for her throat, and she should probably worry about that. Maulâs very good at killing people and sheâd like to avoid becoming part of that statistic.
As she is quickly reminded, he is... fifteen. And shorter than sheâs used to. And already injured.
Itâs really, really easy to take him out, actually.
At some point, the other speeder was safely recovered before it caused property damage, and their own is landing a few meters away with Vos and the kids.
âYou have Force-negating cuffs, right?â Ahsoka asks.
âNo, Master Tholme has them.â
âOh,â she says, and grimaces. âI guess Iâll just... keep sitting on him then.â
Maul snarls, and she raps him on the skull. âStop that, itâs uncivilized.â
Rex snorts.
Jango makes a noise that is incredibly frustrated with the lot of them, and turns on Rex. âWas she telling the truth?â
âAbout?â
âThrowing people being standard practice for the GAR.â
Rexâs face goes pained. âIt was in the five-oh-first. And a few others.â
âWhatâs the GAR?â Quinlan asks.
âNone of your damn business,â Fett snaps.
Quinlan throws his hands up in the air again. âCome on! I just proved I know what Iâm doing!â
âAnd their tragic backstory is none of your business, prudii!â
Quinlan blinks at him, and then glances at Ahsoka. âUm.â
âHe called you a shadow since your training, um, seems to be pointing in that direction,â she says as carefully as she can. âWe were theorizing.â
âWh... you actually paid attention?â Quinlan asks, looking horribly confused. âI thought I was just annoying you.â
Ahsoka laughs at him. âOh, Vos... Iâve been running black ops for... much longer than most would guess. Trust me, I know another spy when I see them.â
She smiles as kindly as she can, because she hadnât actually meant to make him feel left out or unwanted or... well, sheâd been pretty patronizing, especially for someone seemingly younger than him. The smile does not work. Quinlan just looks kind of horrified about how young she just implied she started spy work.
Granted, sheâd been sixteen for Zygerria...
Deciding to ignore him for a bit, she shifts on Maulâs back and pats him on the cheek. âDonât worry, Baby Sith. Weâre going to get you lots of nice therapy. Mind healers, no Sith tortures, all that fun stuff. Maybe some plushies.â
âYouâre also getting therapy, right?â Quinlan asks. âPlease say you are. Iâm required for the specifics of my training and if anything youâve said is true, I feel like you really need it and Iâm scared of whatâll happen if you donât.â
Ahsoka laughs, knowing exactly how empty it sounds. âOh hell, if I didnât get therapy, I imagine Kix would rise from the grave to force me into it.â
The name means nothing to anyone except Rex, and... ah, yeah, she told Fett about Kix a few weeks ago.
âNo more throwing me without warning,â Fett grumbles, dropping to sit on the ground next to her. âEspecially not at baby Sith Lords.â
âI am not a child!â Maul spits.
âHe speaks!â Ahsoka cheers. âAw, I knew you could do it.â
ââSoka, I told you not to bully him,â Rex complains. âItâs tacky. Youâre being tacky.â
âIâm allowed to be tacky,â Ahsoka declares. âIâve died twice, thatâs, like, permission from the universe.â
âYouâve died twice?â Quinlan asks, back in âfascinated horrorâ territory. âWait, no, I shouldnât ask--â
âToo late! The first time was on a planet that doesnât exist and my Master lost his mind, killed a god, and used the good favor of another god to have me brought back to life at her expense. Not in that order.â
âI--what? No, thatâs--what?â
Ahsoka smiles brightly. âYou asked.â
Tholme finally shows up with the cuffs.
---------------------------
âYou should eat something.â
He glares at her.
âBaby Sith Lords need to eat.â
He keeps glaring at her.
âMaul, youâll never get big and strong and ready to kill if you donât eat your vegetables.â
He bares his teeth.
âNo, I donât eat my veggies, but Iâm a Togruta, so if I eat too many vegetables I throw up.â
Rex kicks her thigh, right on the faulds. âWhat did I say about bullying the Sith Lord?â
âNot to.â
âAnd what are you doing?â
âMaking him eat his vegetables.â
âSoka.â
âRexâika.â
He kicks at her again. âGet up, weâre swapping out the watch.â
âBut I wanted to hang out with my favorite little criminal mastermind.â
Rex drops to the floor and presses his forehead to her shoulder. âHow the hell is being around this guy the first thing to make you cheer up in weeks?â
âIâm allowed to be mean to him.â
âHeâs going to bite you.â
âIâll bite back.â
Rex jabs a finger into her ribs, and she squeaks. âGo get something to eat, Commander.â
âFine,â she huffs, rolling to her feet and moseying along to the galley. She walks in on Tholme and Fett having an argument about the ways in which Jedi and Mandalorians differ. Quinlanâs on the side, watching with wide eyes, and little Leiaâs drinking a juice box at his side, tucked up under his arm and occasionally saying things to fan the flames. Ahsoka assumes sheâs enjoying herself.
She opens the cooling unit, looks over the contents, and pulls out a raw leg of eopie mutton. She leans against the counter, bites into the chilled-but-not-frozen meat, and uses the back of one hand to wipe the blood off her chin. The âreal adultsâ donât notice.
âIâm like ninety percent sure youâre doing this to mess with me but also...â Quinlan trails off, staring at her with horror. âWhy?â
âA girlâs gotta eat.â
âYeah, but all the obligate carnivores I know are like... generally holding to basic rules of courtesy when it comes to not grossing people out,â Quinlan says. âLike, I donât chew with my mouth open. You donât... eat in the most intimidating--did you just crack the bone with your teeth?!â
Ahsoka smirks at him, using her free hand to take away the shard of bone so she can suck out the marrow without eating the bones themselves. âI donât know if youâve noticed, but this isnât polite society. Weâre in a galley on a bounty hunterâs ship, and Iâve been living on the run or in an army for most of my life. Table manners are optional.â
âNo, theyâre not,â Leia orders. âFett, itâs your ship, tell her to--â
â--and another thing!â Fett snaps at Tholme, clearly paying less than no attention to the food argument.
Ahsoka keeps on eating, trying to catch wind of where the discussionâs at. Mostly, it seems to be at âtalking past each other.â Neither of them seems to have fully grasped more than the absolute most basic parts of the other culture, and thatâs only enough to insult each other, not actually have a constructive conversation. Sheâd have expected more out of Tholme, at least. Heâs not exactly young.
âHey, quick question,â she says, in a moment where both of them have paused for breath and the opportunity to seethe. âFett, whenâs the last time you worked with a Jedi, or any member of a Force-based religion, before I popped into your life?â
His nose scrunches up as he makes a face.
âAnd Tholme, whenâs the last time you worked with anyone from the Mandalorian system?â
Tholmeâs reaction isnât any more gracious than Fettâs.
âYeah, thatâs what I thought,â she says. âVos, were either of them actually interested in that conversation, or just looking for an excuse to yell?â
âNow listen here, jetiika--â
âFett,â she snaps. âI am not a child.â
âAnd neither am I,â he growls right back. âThis is my ship, and I damn well donât need you treating me like a misbehaving youngling. Youâve got a problem, you bring it to my face, not get all smug about peopleâs tempers blowing over.â
Well, then.
She smiles thinly. âOf course.â
He stands with his arms crossed, in full armor save for the helmet. She puts aside the eopie meat and wipes her hands, smiling until she can put her hands on her hips and let it drop to a challenge.
âYou know, Iâm just--Iâm just gonna go,â Quinlan mutters, pulling Leia out with him, the girl hanging from under one of his arms. âThis, uh, this looks like a problem for... you folks. Um. Yeah.â
He sidles out.
Tholme doesnât.
Fett rubs at the bridge of his nose, and then gestures at the table. âSit.â
âIâd prefer not to.â
He drops his hand and glares at her. âWe have another week on this ship together. We are going to have this conversation. Sit.â
She sits, right on the warm spot left behind by Quinlan and Leia. She crosses her arms, lifts a brow, and waits.
Fett takes the seat across from her. Tholme leans against the counter.
âWe all know youâre older than you look,â Fett says. âI heard Tholme mention it, I know that much has been shared. Youâre acting like an actual teenager, and Iâve... Iâve put up with a lot. I am trying to keep things civil, particularly with you. Iâve tried to be friendly. Youâve been fucked up since we met, fine, everyoneâs got trauma. The thing where youâve started talking shit to our faces for what seems like your own amusement? That has to stop. Youâre older than me, Torrent. Fucking act like it.â
She blinks at him, slow and not exactly happy, and turns to Tholme.
The man shrugs. âI was planning to put up with it until we arrived to the temple and handed you over to some mind healers. Fett doesnât have that kind of time.â
Thereâs a curdle in her stomach, defensive and angry and guilty.
âYouâve been... a bitch,â Fett finally says. âYou know that. Iâm not going to mince words. Youâve been holier-than-thou and rude and condescending, and aiming that at Antilles is one thing, when youâve apparently known her since she was a toddler and taught her things. Aiming at the rest of us isnât going to fly. Weâre all adults trying to share a space. Stop acting like... just like you have been.â
There is no defense to be made that they arenât both already aware of.
She closes her eyes and tries to strangle the burst of irrational rage.
Their accusations arenât unfounded.
They deserve an apology.
She is in the wrong.
Sheâs felt freer than she had in years, and in that freedom allowed herself too much rein, let herself lace her words with barbed wires and poison instead of sparks and spices, comments that were cruel instead of just joking. Too familiar. Too comfortable.
âMy behaviorâs been inappropriate,â she finally says, the words clumsy and too big in her mouth. âYouâre right about that. Iâm sorry, and Iâll endeavor to keep a tighter rein on my less pleasant behaviors in the future.â
At least she only lashes out with words. It could be worse.
She opens her eyes, fixes her gaze on the wall behind Fett, wrestles her expression into stiff neutrality. âAm I dismissed?â
â...uh, no, not after that,â Fett says, sounding just a little horrified. âWhat the hell was that?â
Tholme hisses out a breath. âLet her go.â
âNo, this needs to be discussed, thatâs not a healthy rea--â
âFett, let her go,â Tholme insists, low and heavy.
Fett looks between the two for a moment, seems to come to a realization he doesnât like, and then gestures almost violently towards the door. âFine. Go.â
She walks out, doesnât sprint. Sheâs stiff. Sheâs controlled. Sheâs the one that fucked up, so itâs fine if she doesnât feel great right now. Getting called out on oneâs own failings as a person isnât something to get upset about if the failings are real. The feelings are real and normal, but this was her fault, and so itâs up to her to fix it, and she canât let them know it hurt her, because this was her mistake.
She goes to the cargo hold.
---------------------------
Ahsoka works out her frustrations on Fettâs punching bag. She does not augment herself with the Force, just uses raw strength and technique, ignoring the tears that press at her eyes.
Sheâs fine.
Itâs not weird. Itâs not odd. Itâs not strange to not notice sheâs been kind of a bitch since her mood came up with the whole Depa thing, and then Maul. Sheâs been mean, mostly to Vos and Fett, and nobodyâs confronted her about it until now. They let her have room for her trauma, and she hadnât reined it in. Sheâs just gotten worse.
âSnippyâ sheâd always been, but age apparently hadnât fucking tempered it.
âUm.â
She catches the punching bag, breathing heavily and covered in sweat. She hasnât worked out all the twitchy, nervous energy yet.
âVos,â she greets, once sheâs caught herself enough that her voice wonât waver. Heâs on the other side of the bag, but she knows his voice. âDo you need something?â
âYouâre kind of... projecting,â he tells her, drifting to where she can actually see him. âNot self-loathing, but, um, recrimination? You just donât feel very good and I was hoping to helpâ
Why in all the Sith hells does he have to be nice.
âI got called out on my behavior and wasnât ready to face the fact that Iâd kriffed up,â she tells him. âIâll be fine. And Iâm... sorry. I havenât been fair to you and was using you as an easy target for some of my ruder comments.â
âI mean, I kind of figured,â he admits, coming closer. âIâve been tutored by Shadows before, and a lot of them act like you. I just assumed it was more of that.â
âI still shouldnât have let myself run loose like that,â she says. âIâm... it wasnât appropriate. I shouldnât have let it happen.â
He shrugs, not meeting her eyes. âDo you want to talk about it?â
âNo,â she says. âNot with... not with you. Or anyone other than Rex and a mind healer, really. Most of it is...â
She trails off, distantly noticing that her eyes are tearing up enough to blur her vision, and her nails are digging into the bag in a way Fett wonât appreciate.
Thereâs so much that beat her down, never quite breaking her, that she doesnât even know what made her act the way she does.
âWant to spar?â
She looks over at him, wonders what he sees that makes him want to fight her when sheâs visibly unstable.
He smiles, kind and easy, and it doesnât quite reach his eyes. Itâs genuine in intent, if not in energy. He wants to help. âYou all keep saying I could work on my hand-to-hand. Just take off the armor so I donât break a finger, maybe.â
âYouâre serious.â
âNo, Iâm Quinlan.â
Sheâs going to wipe the floor with this boy. âYou sure you wanna fight me?â
âYou wonât be able to meditate until you do,â he says. Heâs right, damn him. âThe other option is that I go get your... vod, I think? I go get Rex and you two can talk it out since you trust him with more. I donât want to do that, though, heâs still a kid.â
She eyes him, lips pressed together and mind awhirl with emotions and thoughts sheâd tried to beat out of her head and into the bag. âEver fought someone without the Force?â
â...yes?â
âWas it cuffs?â
âOh, you meant me not having the Force,â he realizes. âEr, no. Is... is that something youâve done a lot?â
She smiles at him. âYouâre planning on Shadow work. That means getting captured and stripped of everything you are at some point, Force included. Unfortunately, the cuffs are in use on a very annoying Dathomirian right now, so weâll have to make do with you shielding like your mindâs a Kessel Spice Mine.â
â...do I want to know how often youâve been captured?â
âNo, you donât.â
When he comes at her, itâs easy to dodge. Itâs easy to tap him on target points, little pokes that show she could take him out, but isnât going to until heâs learned something. He stays grinning throughout, letting her take the lead, and he treats her like... like a knight. Like a teacher. Heâs stepped back and gone from trying to impress her as a fellow padawan, to proving himself to a full knight.
Sheâs not sure when that change happened, or why or how, but it makes things much smoother. She wants to think that it would have even if she hadnât gotten a wakeup call from Fett.
So she treats him the way she treated Ezra, for the year sheâd spent traveling with Kanan. She treats him as a student thatâs willing to learn, good but not yet great, competent but not yet ready to survive. She draws him into the kind of chest-heaving exhaustion that tells a fighter just how much energy they waste.
(Ahsoka may have had her own style, but her grandmaster had been the pinnacle of a Soresu user. Sheâd spent years on the frontlines of a war. She knew the worth of conserving energy, and sheâd teach it to any who stepped in to challenge her.)
âWho taught you to fight like this?â He asks, when theyâve taken a handful of moments to circle each other. His steps are heavy, sure, planted. Her own are light and ready.
âSoldiers,â she says. Itâs true enough.
âNot your Master?â he asks, just as he tries to kick for her upper arm. Itâs a safe question. For anyone else, it would be a safe question.
But for Ahsoka, itâs another chink in the armor, after a maelstrom of emotion, a storm of self-loathing, a dervish of instability.
She doesnât break right away.
She spirals. She fights Quinlan, but doesnât quite see him. Her strikes get sloppy, her feet stumble. She canât make herself meet Quinlanâs eyes, not when the scrape of his heel against the metal sounds like the rasp of a breathing machine. Her shields get fuzzy, she knows, and she leaks what she feels into the air, making it sour and thick. She doesnât notice, because all she can see, all she can--all she can hear and feel and--
She drops to her knees and grabs at her head, trying to stop it.
âSokari?â
She breathes. In and out, harsh and jagged but natural in a way that the damned respirator wasnât.
Her master her teacher her brother the traitor the hound the executioner
Her face is hot. Something prickles. It might be tears.
She tries to say something, tries to say a name or a request, tries to make anything come out of her mouth that isnât the broken wail of a woman who hasnât let herself think about how she died.
She feels herself pulled into someoneâs arms, and she canât quite tell who, but theyâre bigger than she is, and feel warm and worried. They care. They donât understand, theyâre scared, but they care.
Her hands shake, clutched to her chest and she canât breathe she canât make herself take in enough air to do a Force-damned thing the empire is going to feel her her shields are down and broken and her emotions are spilling and the empire is going to find HER ANAKIN IS GOING TO FIND HER AND--
âCOMMANDER!â
Rex.
Rex is here.
Her breath is coming so fast that sheâs hiccupping more than sheâs actually inhaling. She feels small hands in gloves on either side of her face, and then her forehead presses to something warm.
Rex. A Keldabe kiss. Her brother, her partner, her other half. Heâs here. Heâs calm. If heâs calm, then things are fine.
âWhat happened?â Light voice, high voice, small and distant. Leia. Little Leia little princess Leia sheâs in danger sheâs in trouble Anakin will--
âCommander.â
No. Here and now. She needs to focus on here and now. Her throat feels cold. She breathes too fast, still. She canât stop it.
âI donât know.â Thatâs Vos. He was... they were doing something. He was here. Talking to her. âWe were sparring, and she just--â
Right, sparring.
âI donât know if I said something?â He offers, voice pitching up, unsure and worried. Is he the one holding her? Heâs the one holding her. Thatâs embarrassing.
âCommander?â Rex prompts. âCommander, can you open your eyes?â
She tries. She canât. She shakes her head.
âSoka?â he asks, voice quiet. âWhere are you?â
âF-F-Fett,â she manages. Itâs enough.
âAnd where were you?â
His voice is so soft. So worried. She held him the same way after Mandalore, after Order 66, after all his brothers, all her friends...
âSoka.â
Her mind is spinning, and suddenly all she can hear is Anakin Skywalker is dead. I destroyed him.
Her breath hitches, and she wails.
âCommander,â Rex tries again, but her head is a vortex of Then you will die and Perhaps this child and not the Jedi way.
Our long awaited meeting.
I destroyed him.
Then you will die.
She canât breathe she canât breathe she can only see that yellow eye thatâs too familiar but belongs to a stranger can only hear a voice that shouldnât exist can only mourn and break and--
âSoka?â
âMalachor,â she manages. âI--h-he--I died.â
âWhat did you say?â someone asks. A vod. Itâs the right voice, almost, rough and business-like, not accusing anyone yet, and... and... no. No. Not one of her boys. Itâs Fett.
âUm, right at the end? I asked her who taught her to fight like this,â Quinlan says, nervous. âAnd she said it was soldiers. And I joked, I asked that it wasnât her Master, and she didnât answer that. A couple minutes later, she just started...â
âOh, Soka,â Rex whispers, pulling her closer. âCommander, just breathe with me.â
âH-h-he, he just--R-Rex, he j-just--and I c-c-couldnât--â
âI know,â her captain whispers. âI know, just breathe with me.â
âHe k-k-k-killed me,â she sobs, falling out of the Keldabe and into too-small arms. âI l-loved--he was my broth-ther and--and he just--he killed me, he didnât even stop.â
âI know,â Rex whispers. âSoka, I know.â
Of course he does.
---------------------------
âIt was just bad timing,â Rex says, once theyâre in the room sheâs been sharing with her little family, curled up under a blanket and watching the floor like it has all the secrets to how she lost her world three times over.
âIs there anything we need to keep in mind?â Fett asks, gruff and uncomfortable. She wonders if heâs angry that she took his necessary confrontation and turned it into this mess.
âDonât bring up her Jedi Master,â Rex says, and pulls her in when she shivers. Her eyes squeeze shut before she can stop them, tears beading up again. âJust... donât. Itâs too soon.â
âHeâs--â
âHe Fell,â Ahsoka interrupts. âI thought he died, but he became a Sith. And fifteen years later, we ran into each other, and I refused to join him in the Dark, so he tried to kill me.â
Fett swears, low and muffled. She thinks he has a hand over his mouth.
Quin and Leia arenât there. She thinks theyâre keeping an eye on their Baby Sith prisoner. Thatâs good.
âSoka,â Rex whispers, and she buries her face in his shoulder. Sheâs too old to be this kind of mess. Sheâs thirty-two. Sheâs Fulcrum. Sheâs...
Sheâs in need of a lot of therapy.
âWe can avoid the subject unless you bring it up,â Tholme promises. âDefinitely until the Temple. Is there anything else we shouldnât talk about?â
Ahsoka can practically feel Rexâs deadpan look. âSir, weâre a trio of child soldiers ripped from everything we know. Every other sentence is a risk. Weâre just... working our way through.â
Thereâs a knock at the door. Oh. Quin and Leia.
âJust figured weâd drop this off before we went down to visit Mr. Grumpy-Face,â Quinlan whispers. He still thinks Leiaâs a child. Heâs trying to make things less terrible for her. Thatâs nice. âWe decided heâll be less angry if he tries Hoth chocolate, and made some for everyone.â
They definitely made it for Ahsoka herself, and Maul was an afterthought. Still. Itâs sweet.
âCommander?â Rex prompts, jostling her a little to try and get her to sit up.
âGimme a sec,â she manages. It takes longer than it should to push herself away from him, to accept the mug that Leia gives her, too-serious worry in the furrow of her brow and the twist of her soul.
She doesnât look six. She doesnât even look twenty-two. This girl was always too old for her skin, forced to grow up in the hostile fear of the Empire.
âThank you, Princess.â
She sips.
She can barely taste it beyond the ashes she imagines coating her tongue.
I destroyed him, her memory echoes. His slightest hesitation before he made the final move, it haunts her. She almost reached him. If only sheâd tried harder, yelled louder, been better...
She shivers.
âDo you need help falling asleep?â Tholme asks. âIâm a regular healer, not a mind healer, but...â
She probably should.
She takes another sip of her drink, willing herself to taste it. Itâs good. She likes it. She knows she does.
âCan you make it dreamless?â she whispers.
âIt doesnât always work, but I can try,â he tells her.
She nods. âWhen I finish the chocolate.â
âOf course.â
---------------------------
Everyoneâs careful around her for days. The whole decision to be nicer doesnât mean anything when sheâs walking about in a daze of too few emotions, drained of everything she could feel in favor of a grey cloud of fluff in everything she does.
She does forms. Single saber and Jarâkai. Ataru and Djem so and Soresu. Reverse grip, regular grip, partial reverse on either side.
Again. Again. Again.
She loses herself in the motions, not meditating so much as just empty.
Rex worries. Fett worries. Vos worries.
Leia and Tholme keep their shields locked up tight, and she doesnât know how they feel. She thinks Leia might be judging her. She think Tholme might be pitying.
Maul simply hates. Itâs an old and familiar sensation to walk into, and she takes unthinking comfort in his rage. Sheâs silent instead of snippy, when she plays the role of guard, and they stare at each other in silence. His eyes burn, and she wonders how much heâs heard of her nightmares.
âYou need to talk,â Rex tells her, when he finds her with a cold cup of caff, eyes fixed somewhere beyond it all. She lifts her head. âSoka.â
She just stares at him.
He sighs and pulls her into a hug. âCommander, please.â
She canât.
Ahsoka stares at the wall behind him, resting her chin on his head. Her neck itches under the lek at the back of her head, a little tingle of a feeling that she canât bring herself to do anything about. The pale light of the galley is sharp against the chipped paint of the metal that surrounds them. It hurts her eyes to look, but itâs not the deep and dark lit only by red--
Then you will die, her memory growls.
She flinches.
âBreathe,â Rex tells her, too-small hands clinging at her back. âJust breathe, âSoka.â
She curls in tighter and tries to just breathe.
---------------------------
âTell me something good.â
Ahsoka blinks. She looks at Leia. She doesnât have the energy to parse that.
Leia chances a look at Rex, who isnât leaving Ahsokaâs side any more than he has to, and Fett on the other side. Tholmeâs asleep and Quinâs on Baby Sith duty. Itâs just people who know, right now.
The little girl across the table, the child senator, the spy, purses her lips and huffs in irritation. âYou knew my biological father before he became one of the worst people in the galaxy. Both of you did. Tell me something good about him.â
Good things.
About Anakin.
âYou fought a war as a Jedi,â Leia prompts. âSurely you must have done some good things with him, or at least thought you were.â
Did they?
Every mission ended in tragedy or was just a ploy of Palpatineâs. Every saved life was just...
Wait.
âHe built Threepio,â she finally says. âYour father wi--I mean, Bail wiped Threepioâs memory after the Empire rose, for your safety, but Anakin was the one who built him.â
Leia sits up, eyes brighter. âI didnât know that. I... was Artoo involved? Did he build R2D2, or...â
âNo,â Rex says, âBut Artoo was his favorite astromech, and they always pushed each other into stupid stunts. We risked a hell of a lot to save that droid, more than once, and I didnât find out until you started working with the Rebellion full-time, but Artoo and Threepio were the witnesses for your bio-parentsâ wedding.â
Leia gapes at him. So does Ahsoka. (Fett doesnât know enough to care.)
Rex grins, and if it looks a little forced, thatâs fine. âHe had a holo recording. I was one of the few people left that knew about the marriage that might have wanted to see, so Artoo offered. It was... sweet.â
He waits, probably for Ahsoka to add something herself, but she has nothing.
âI think thatâs when they swapped droids, since Threepio was more useful to a politician and Artoo did his best work when we set him loose on the enemy.â
âHe never changed,â Leia muses. âDid he always swear that much?â
âYes,â Ahsoka answers, as Rex laughs. âAlways. All the binary I learned started with the best swears.â
She tries to think of another good memory, something else that Leia might appreciate. Her mind ticks back to saving Stinky, which is just a terrible option, because that mission started with Hutts and ended with the Battle of Teth. That massive loss of life, all for the son of the creature that had put Leia in chains.
She wonders if she has anything in her memory that doesnât end in blood and graves.
âSoka.â Rex.
âHm?â
âRemember that time Fives and Echo got lost in the undercity their first time on leave, and we had to get the General to help us find them?â
She does.
Heâs right, thatâs a good story.
âOkay, so what you have to understand,â Ahsoka says, already digging the faint details out and dusting them off, âis that these boys were ARC troopers, top-notch, terrifyingly competent once they got through specialty training, and loyal as hell. Echo had memorized the reg manuals front to back, and Fives was... well, Fives ended up being the only person to figure out the chips before they went into action. Point is, the Domino twins were good... eventually. Just like everyone else, though, they started out shiny.â
---------------------------
âTholmeâs hiding something.â
Ahsoka wonders if Leia will just leave if she ignores her enough. Probably not. This was the girl that got kicked out of boarding school for leading a sit-in at age seven. Sheâs got patience.
âHis job requires him to hide a lot of things,â Ahsoka says instead. âNot as many as Vos will have to, eventually, but a lot.â
âHeâs hiding something from us,â Leia insists, visibly frustrated that Ahsoka isnât as upset about this as she is. âSomething important.â
The way she says âimportantâ is clumsy and impacted by the missing baby tooth. She canât say the r. It comes out as âim-poh-ten,â which is adorable, and if Ahsoka comments on it, sheâs probably going to get punched by a six-year-old.
âThe Force doesnât care,â Ahsoka says. âI trust his intentions, if not him as a person.â
âIf you donât trust him, then why trust his intentions?â
âLeia, I donât know if youâve noticed, but I trust one and a half people in the galaxy,â Ahsoka points out. âMe not trusting a person isnât a sign of anything except my paranoia. The only person I trust fully and without reservation is Rex. Even you, I only mostly trust, because my brain starts screaming if I think too hard. Thatâs why youâre the half.â
âOkay, whatever, paranoia aside,â Leia barrels on, âHe should tell us. Whatever it is that heâs hiding, we deserve to know. Weâre not children that he can just hide things from for our own good.â
Ahsoka presses her lips together. âLeia. Princess. I know youâre used to holding all the cards--â
âThis isnât about me being a control freak!â
âIt is, though,â Ahsoka soothes, and smiles. âYour mother--the bio one--was the same way. You spent years as one of the leaders of the Rebellion, so obviously youâre used to having all the information, and people reporting to you... but Tholme is a Jedi Master. He reports to the Council and the Republic. Do you know how many people I kept secrets from while I was a padawan? Weâre an unknown, Leia. They have no proof that weâre on their side, especially since weâre traveling with Fett.â
Leia crosses her arms and glares as hard as she can.
âIâm not going to bother him,â Ahsoka says. âIâve already had, like, five unrelated mental breakdowns. Iâm putting this on hold until we get to the Temple and I can trust that thereâs a healer on hand to sedate me or something.â
âYou... want to be sedated?â
âLeia, this... really should be obvious, but a Force-Sensitive losing their osik the way I have been isnât actually safe. I know I broke a weapons rack last week.â Ahsoka gestures vaguely. âIf the Jedi Master isnât telling me something for reasons that might relate to my clear and obvious mental instability, Iâm going to assume heâs got a point.â
âSo he should tell me or Rex.â
âWeâll be on Coruscant in four days,â Ahsoka soothes. âJust... let it be. They wonât hurt us.â
âYou donât know that.â
Ahsoka shrugs. âI donât have to. The Force leads me in all things, including this.â
Leia isnât impressed by that, but Leia isnât impressed by much in the first place.
She strides off in a fit that is, perhaps, more influenced by her six-year-old emotional control than sheâd like to admit. Ahsoka lets her. Itâs not worth the argument.
Itâs only a few minutes later that Fett strides in, takes the seat Leia was just in, and asks, âWhat would it take for you to teach me how to use a jetiiâkad?â
She blinks at him. âYou want to learn how to use a lightsaber?â
âYes.â
â...why?â
âViszla.â
âI see.â
She does.
Ahsoka taps her fingers against the table, eyeing him with the kind of interest she copied from Master Kenobi, years ago. Fett doesnât fidget, but she thinks he might want to. He just looks back, waiting for her judgement.
âYouâll need to justify it,â she finally says. âItâs a significant difference from what you actually did, so I need to know your reasoning for doing it, and your plans for once itâs done.â
âThatâs all?â
âThatâs step one,â she corrects. She tilts her head, considering. âMy standards for you arenât built in a vacuum, and you know that. Explain to me what you plan to do and how you plan to do it, and if I approve...â
âYouâll help me achieve it.â
âMaybe,â she allows. âA lot of that depends on Rex.â
âI expected as much,â Fett says. âHe is... an admittedly large part of the reason.â
âHe would be,â she says. She gives the silence a few more seconds to sit awkwardly between them, and then stands up. âIâd guess youâve been brainstorming already. Do you have it written down or is it mostly just in your head so far?â
âIâm still... debating options, so to speak.â
She grins, and the shape of the predatorâs smile, the baring of teeth... that almost makes him step back. She can see it in the twitch of his muscles. Smart man.
âFollow me,â she says, and doesnât wait for him to stand. She strides out with tooka-light steps, hears the heavy beskar tread behind her, and goes to the cargo hold. Fettâs confusion grows tangibly behind her, especially when she tosses him a wooden quarterstaff. She picks up the other and spins it in one hand.
âYouâre going to fight me,â she tells him, stretching and letting the staff help with the process. âAnd while we fight, youâre going to tell me what your plans for Mandalore are.â
He mimics her, but thereâs a frown on his face. âAnd why staffs?â
âYou and I, weâve only sparred bare-handed,â she says. âI need a feel for how you fight with a weapon anyway. These are a good start.â
âNot the beskad?â
She grins, and the twitch is back. âNo. That can wait. We start with the staffs.â
He takes a stance, and she mirrors him. She lets him strike first with a weapon, but sheâs the one that asks all the questions.
(He is the only one on the ship that can fight her one-on-one right now, and he can win. Still, she makes him work for every inch, and what she doesnât win in bruises, she wins in words.)
(Fett might yet be a proper Mandâalor, but Ahsoka learned war from her brothers, negotiation at the knee of a general and in the shadow of a prince, and government at the side of duchesses and queens.)
(If he wants her help uniting his people, he needs to prove that he can hold them together once sheâs gone.)
---------------------------
Ahsokaâs interrogation of Jangoâs plans is thorough, and sheâs not the only one involved. She brings Leia in, and has her join in on the grilling. She maybe laughs as the twenty-seven-year-old survivor of Galidraan, the Mandâalor, a man who has killed Master Jedi with his bare hands, gets lectured on various government structures by a tiny girl that's missing several teeth and needs to sit on books to see the table properly.
Still, Leia knows this better than any of the rest of them do. The girl might have grown up heir to a monarchy, but she got a classical education and was drilled on democracy and all associated forms of government. Where Ahsoka knows military protocol and law enforcement, intersystem relations and defensive measures, Leia knows agricultural subsidies and welfare programs, infrastructure and education.
Ahsoka may know how to find out if someoneâs breaking a zoning law, but Leia knows why it exists in the first place.
âAnd I grew up in a cult,â Rex says, when an argument on that topic breaks out. Everyone that hasnât heard the joke-that-isnât-a-joke stares at him. âThe Jedi grew up in a religious meritocracy; Leia grew up in a monarchy; and I grew up in a cult.â
Ahsoka elbows him. Heâs not wrong, but still.
Unfortunately, Ahsoka is about forty-seven percent sure that Leia will put her foot in her mouth when it comes to Mandalorian culture, blunt as the girl is. That prefrontal cortex isnât anywhere near as developed as it should be, either, so impulse control for the princess isnât great. Ahsoka refuses to let Leia and Fett talk about ways to mend the breaks between tradition and the pacifism of the New Mandalorians without either Rex or Ahsoka herself as a mediating presence. Tholme sits in a few times, but while he knows that Leia isnât really six--though not about the time-travel, yet--Quinlan doesnât.
They admittedly end up doing this while heâs on Maul-sitting duty.
âItâs like he doesnât even care about making nice with the people that, at this point, make up the majority of his people!â Leia grumbles one night, as Ahsoka kicks over a step stool so the girl can brush her teeth. âHe may not like the New Mandalorians, but from what I understand, itâs still early enough to prevent the majority of the cultural bleaching you brought up. If he stays this stubborn--â
âLeia,â Ahsoka says, and the girlâs mouth snaps shut. âIâm aware of your reasons for not trusting his intentions. But if I may say? Chill.â
âHeâs not even trying!â
âHeâs trying a hell of a lot harder than he did in the original timeline,â Ahsoka reminds her. âBrush your teeth.â
âIâm not a--â
âTeeth.â
Itâs a little worrying, how the childâs brain affects Leia, but... well. Thatâll pass in time, hopefully. Until then, Ahsoka gets to be the aunt she should have been. This includes tucking Leia in, which the girl grumbles about despite the fond waves of comfort that enter the Force around her. Ahsoka doesnât call her out on it, just brushes back wisps of hair to plant a kiss on Leiaâs forehead, and then does the same once Rex stumbles in, grumbling about the limitations of a cadetâs body, but far more ready to follow the protocol that is bedtime.
Rex doesnât pretend to not like getting tucked in, for all that heâs sharing with a grumbly, already-asleep princess. He smiles up at Ahsoka, lets her hug him, and pretends they can be a normal family for five seconds.
Quinlanâs making a late night snack for himself in the galley. Tholme is guarding the Baby Sith. Fett...
Ahsoka goes to the cockpit, takes the copilotâs seat, and watches hyperspace pass them by.
It takes long minutes before either of them say anything.
âDo Jedi believe in souls?â
His shields are up, locked up tighter than the innermost chambers of the Imperial Palace. She has no idea where heâs taking this question. She has to cast about for an answer.
âThat depends on how you define a soul,â she finally says. âLeia told me about Force Ghosts. A Jedi Master who underwent the right meditations and training could pass into the Force upon their death without losing their sense of self. They could remain themselves, to an extent, and interact with force-sensitive individuals. I donât know if they could last that way indefinitely, but depending on your definition, I could argue those ghosts were evidence of a form of soul.â
âSo you believe that the dead pass into the Force, but that what passes could be a soul. Something must exist for a sense of self to disappear at death in a way that impacts the Force as you understand it, and many would use the word âsoulâ for that something.â
âMm,â Ahsoka considers it. âIâd say thatâs pretty accurate. Youâve put a lot of thought into this.â
âWhat about those not yet born?â
Her fingers feel cold, and she finds herself no longer able to watch the passage of hyperspace as passively as she had, and her eyes catch on streaks and motes of what is not dust, her vision unable to keep any more still than her heart.
âOh,â she hears herself say. âThe clones.â
Itâs a long time before he answers, but the walls come down. He carries a confused sort of grief with him, guilty and a mite resentful. His questions have been building for longer than sheâd thought. His voice is rough. âIâve taken plenty of lives, but Iâve never known the name of someone I erased from existence before they were even born.â
âThe stories we told Leia about the brothers.â
Thereâs a grunt of agreement from Fett, so those dots at least connect.
âI take it my answer wasnât helpful,â she manages to say.
âWill they still exist?â Fett asks. âWill they be born elsewhere? Or is... is a soul something that only comes into existence after the body does?â
âI have no idea,â Ahsoka admits. âI want... I want to think that Iâd be able to find them eventually, to recognize them, if their souls are still born into this world elsewhere.â
âAnd if your Sith finds someone else to build his army out of?â
Ahsoka looks at him, sharp and pointed. âYou wouldnât.â
âTheyâll be doing it anyway, if their plans are as ironclad as you say.â
âYouâre already associating with Jedi,â Ahsoka says, fighting the urge to break his nose. âThey wouldnât approach you, not now. They canât leverage your anger against you. They wonât know everything, but theyâll know that you have friends among the Jedi.â
âYou think they canât come up with better lies?â
He has a point. He has more than one point and she hate hate hates it.
A Jedi does not hate.
I am no Jedi.
âYouâre going to have to convince me,â she says. âEspecially if you want to somehow balance this with the darksaber thing. I wonât teach you how to fight with it if youâre not planning to retake Mandalore.â
âThatâs how theyâd sell it,â he says. âRetaking Mandalore. An army ostensibly for the Jedi, and ultimately...â
âYouâd build an army of slaves.â
âNo, Iâd be the inside man for when they build that army anyway.â
She holds his gaze. She looks away first.
âTorrent?â
âIâm thinking.â
He lets her.
âIâll need to talk to Rex. Probably Leia.â
âUnderstandable.â
âI donât like this.â
âIâm only just considering it. Itâs an idea, not a plan.â
âThatâs the only reason I havenât ripped your throat out with my teeth.â
âHyperbole doesnât suit you.â
She glares at him, and leaves, her mind chopping up and laying out every possible angle on Fett volunteering to do the exact same thing as last time, but somehow worse.
Great. Just what she needed.
---------------------------
Ahsoka isnât there for the shouting match between Rex and Fett, but she doesnât have to be. She can hear it form clear across the ship, and Rex comes to her afterwars. Heâs been crying, which isnât as surprising as it could be. These bodies are still prone to such things, and will be for years. She doesnât comment.
âDo you want to talk about it?â she asks.
âWe need to take out Sidious before he starts anything on Kamino.â
âAgreed,â she says. âItâll be hard, though.â
âI donât care.â
âWhat did Fett say?â
âThat if it wasnât going to be my brothers, it would be someone elseâs. Either we stopped the cloning from happening at all, or we mitigated damage by being there.â
âI donât think Sidious is going to tap him for it,â Ahsoka admits. âNot unless youâre willing to stage that kind of fight publicly enough for Fett to claim the Jedi poisoned you, family, against him. It could work, but itâs a gamble.â
He knows all of this.
âI miss them,â he says, and she cards her fingers though the curls heâs managed to grow in the past weeks. âI just... even at the end, I had Wolffe. I knew Boba was out there; I wouldnât be surprised if the beskar let him survive a Sarlacc. I had brothers. Not as many as I used to, but there was always someone. I miss them all, so much it hurts.â
âIt wouldnât be them,â she reminds him. She pulls him closer, puts her cheek to his head. âIt would be the same process, the same faces, the same training, even, but the boys themselves...â
He clings to her and shudders.
âRex?â
âI canât force them to grow up the way I did. I want them back. Sidious is going to make the army no matter what. Someoneâs going to suffer, and I donât want it to be my brothers, but they wonât exist otherwise, and...â
âAnd itâs an impossible choice,â she summarizes. âAnd it sucks.â
âItâs sucks Gungan balls, âSoka.â
She laughs, and feels him smile against her shoulder. Good. He needs to smile more.
âHeâs still trying to get me to like him,â Rex says. "Heâs still making an effort, and he never did that for anyone except Boba, and itâs weird. I donât know what to do with any of that.â
âGain a brother,â Ahsoka whispers, and she feels him jerk against her. âIf thatâs what you want.â
âHeâs not vod.â
âSame blood as all the rest, and youâre older than him, so heâs not really in a position to be a parent to you like he was to Boba,â she says carefully. âYou donât have to do anything, if you donât want to, but... I think heâs trying. I think this means a lot to him, and that he isnât any more sure of what to do than you are. You donât have to forgive him for what he did in the future, you donât have to accept when he reaches out, you donât have to ever talk to him again after we reach Coruscant if you donât want, but I think... I think itâs worth at least considering what you have to gain. I think itâs worth looking at what heâs trying to give you.â
Rex huffs. âWhy couldnât he just be the shabuir I knew in training?â
âSomething happened between now and then?â she offers. âI donât know. I never met him in the original timeline. I just know the guy that keeps trying to get on my good side so youâll like him.â
He outright scoffs. âSoka, thatâs not the only reason heâs trying to get on your good side.â
â...Iâm a former Jedi who talks trash to his face,â she says slowly. âAnd I cried on him. There is no reason for him to be nice to me, other than you.â
âHe thinks youâre cool and a good person and wants you to be his friend.â
âBantha poodoo.â
Rex grins in a way that goes straight to smirking. âSoka, Iâm not joking. Jango Fett wants you to be his friend.â
âKriffing why?â she asks, more than a little horrified. âIâm a mess, look like Iâm ten years younger than him, have gleefully kicked his ass in front of an audience; I even told Vos to throw him at a baby Sith Lord. Putting up with me is one thing, but Iâm... Iâm only barely not a Jedi. Iâm a historical enemy of Mandalore, and part of the community he hates more than anything, and--â
âAnd his reaction to you kicking his ass was pure Mando,â Rex says. âIn that he now thinks youâre a badass, and thus worth being friends with.â
âI canât believe that. I physically cannot.â
âSoka, just accept it. The Mandâalor wants to be friends with you.â He scratches at his scalp. âI mean, he met you while you were protecting what appeared to be children, and itâs apparently still early enough for him to care about that.â
She leans back in her seat, eyes on the wall ahead of her and back against the cool metal of the other side. Rex falls back with her. She wonders if Rex changed the subject so they didnât have to talk about deciding how many of his brothers get to exist, and whether or not he can swallow the bitterness of his history to have a connection with at least one member of his blood. She doesnât ask. If he wants to change the subject, thatâs his right.
âI donât... no.â She denies it as well as she can, and then the implications dig a little deeper. âIs this me accidentally signing up to be the Jedi Orderâs official liaison to the Mandâalor?â
âI mean, this point in time... theyâve got Kenobi for the Duchess, yeah?â Rex shrugs. âGood relations with the system are probably a good thing, and youâve got a stronger connection than Tholme and Vos.â
âUgh,â she says. She rubs a hand against her head, and then lurches to her feet. âFine! Fine. If itâll get him to retake Mandalore before the Sith decide to bribe him with an army he doesnât get to keep, Iâll teach him how to fight for the kriffinâ Darksaber.â
âThatâs what makes the decision for you?â
âWell something had to!â
They only get one lesson in before Coruscant, but the lesson lasts a full day, and Ahsokaâs got his comm number. Fettâs a quick learner anyway, and Tholme was there to give pointers where Ahsoka couldnât.
He wonât measure up to a Jedi in saber-to-saber combat, but he doesnât need to. He just needs to learn enough to turn all those skills with a beskad to something that works with a jetiiâkad.
(The balance of a saber is wrong to those used to a physical weapon. The inertia doesnât work the way anyone expects. Thereâs no need to worry about damaging the blade.)
(Fett is good. Ahsoka is better. And, bless his heart, he knows it.)
(She will mold him into the shape of someone who not only can, but should rule a system with a history like that, and he damn well knows that too.)
---------------------------
âDropping out of hyperspace in T-minus twenty seconds.â
The Slave I is not, in fact, a Venator-class starship, or anything else near the size and smoothness of the ships that Ahsoka grew up on. This is a bounty hunterâs vessel, and the drop to real space jolts like nothing else. Ahsokaâs in the copilot seat for the return, but Tholmeâs going to swap with her as soon as theyâve got confirmation that there were no problems with exiting hyperspace, and nobodyâs shooting at them.
âWeâre not going to get shot at,â Tholme had assured her.
âI always get shot at,â sheâd told him.
âI have our clearance,â he reminded her, seeming more amused than frustrated. âThereâs no need to worry about getting shot at.â
âI also always get shot at,â Jango had thrown in.
âOkay,â Tholme had allowed, after several minutes of his trust in the Temple warring against Ahsoka and Jangoâs learned paranoia. The looks Quinlan had darted around the room when Leia and Rex also claimed âchronic getting-shot-at diseaseâ had been a treat. The paranoia of a Watchman and a future Shadow was great, but the paranoia of three revolutionaries and a galaxy-wide criminal was greater. âYou can take us in close enough to get in radio contact, but the second we have to ask for clearance and a vector, Iâm in the seat.â
Sheâd agreed, of course. She was paranoid, not inexperienced.
âWeâre much less likely to get shot down by ground control if you tell them weâre with you,â sheâd said, to his hilariously apparent metaphysical exhaustion. âObviously.â
âGood enough,â heâd sighed.
What that means is mostly just that Ahsoka gets to watch the distant star at the center of Coruscantâs system grow rapidly brighter. She can pick out the constellations sheâd grown up with, the stars the creche had projected on the ceiling every night, the ones that she may not have seen from the surface, but had greeted her and then sent her on her way every time she left on yet another campaign that lost her men their lives for a Sith Lord's wretched plans. These were the shapes and stories sheâd never seen again as Fulcrum, a woman so hunted that to come within a dozen subsectors of the planet was to court her death.
For sixteen years, she hadnât ventured closer than Alderaan, save for a single trip to Chandrila.
And now, maybe twenty minutes away at this speed, was the Temple. It was home.
A home that didnât know her, that had sentenced her to death, that had hosted the rampage of her former master... but home nonetheless.
âStable?â Fett grunts.
âThrusters are good,â she confirms.
âI meant you.â
Ah. âIâm... fine. As good as I could be, anyway.â
She hesitates, but manages to speak before he does. âYou?â
âIâm not the one walking into an entire building of triggers.â
âOnly because youâre not entering it,â she says. âItâs the home of your ancestral enemies who, bad info or no, killed off a whole lot of your friends.â
âI get to leave,â he says. âYou donât.â
She plans to needle him a bit more, maybe on something a little less based in both their traumas. She needs to talk, if only to fill up the silence and keep herself from reaching out to all the lights in the Force. Itâll be too much, she knows.
Tholme enters the cockpit. âChange of plans.â
âBetter be a good reason,â Jango says, voice flat.
âLeiaâs crying.â
Ahsokaâs unbuckling herself before she can process the words fully. âWhat?â
Leia doesnât cry for no reason. Her emotional control is as difficult as the body makes it, but she doesnât just cry. Thereâs always a cause.
âI donât know. Rex said to get you,â Tholme explains. âShe was saying a name. He seemed to recognize it.â
Not good not good not good. If Leia was feeling the Emper--No. She cuts the thought off there. No catastrophizing. Information first.
âWhat name.â
âLuke. Mean anything to--and sheâs gone.â
Ahsoka ignores him, just sprints to where she knows the âyoung onesâ are. Theyâre all in Maulâs room, because nobody wants to be alone with him now, but itâs the worst time to leave him without supervision. Itâs not the worst option; he mostly refuses to talk, still.
This holds true, because he definitely isnât talking when she bursts in. Heâs sitting on the bench, in a corner, hugging his knees and watching Quinlan try to calm Leia down.
âCaptain, sitrep.â
âVos and Tholme attempted to show Leia how to reach out to feel the Temple from a distance. They felt that it would be a good use of the time, and an interesting exercise at this distance. She attempted to do so, struggled for several minutes, and then reacted with shock. She has repeated the name âLukeâ several times since then, and weâve been unable to fully calm her down. I asked Tholme to get you, as you are the only Force-Sensitive on board that understands the situation in full.â
âUnderstood.â She nods to him, and then goes to nudge at Quinlan. âVos, move.â
âTorre--â
âYou can sit behind her, hold her in your lap like you did when we had lunch the other day, but I need to get in her face.â She waits for him to comply, and then drops to her knees and takes Leiaâs hands in her own. She radiates calm and assurance, even though she knows Quinlanâs probably been doing the same since this started. She dips her head enough to get in the girlâs line of sight, waits for her to meet eyes.
âPrincess,â she says, and meets Leiaâs eyes. âWhat did you feel?â
âLuke.â
From this distance... theyâve got half the system to go, at least, and Leiaâs training shouldnât reach that far for anything more than the fact that the Temple is there. Ahsoka could feel unshielded individuals from here, if she focused, but sheâs also been doing this much, much longer. The twins theory holds more water than ever.
âCan you show me?â Ahsoka asks, instead of asking for more clarification. She squeezes Leiaâs hands and smiles. âIn the Force?â
Leia nods, and closes her eyes. Itâs not the first time theyâve done this, but itâs the first time in a while that Leiaâs needed Ahsoka to guide her through.
Lukeâs light, for all that itâs unfamiliar to Ahsoka, is brilliant among the rest of the signatures in Coruscant. Like Anakin and Leia, heâs a star in his own right, but heâs brighter. He doesnât have Anakinâs bitterness or Leiaâs righteous anger, just... light. Ahsoka had asked Leia to show her instead of looking for herself because sheâd expected to not recognize the boy, but she neednât have. Heâs unmistakable.
Heâs so bright that she almost misses the other signature that she does recognize. She shies away, knowing that it would be there, but... but itâs almost twinned with another nearby. Not identical, but different in a way that comes with age, with trauma, with... death.
Leia hadnât arrived alone, after all.
Why would Luke?
Her eyes snap open, her hand coming up not-quite-fast enough to clap over her mouth as she gasps. She feels a shudder, one that starts in her shoulders and reaches deep into her ribcage, finds a home in her chest and doesnât stop.
âOh fuck,â Quinlan whispers. âTorrent? Um, Sokari?â
Rex steps closer. âCommander?â
âThat shabuir faked his death again,â she manages. âThree times, Rex!â
He blinks at her. â...I know way too many people who fit that description, Soka.â
âMaster Ke--â she cuts herself off. He might have changed his name, just like she had. Thereâs already an Obi-Wan here. Rex seems to be figuring it out, but she needs to give him another hint.
âHe pulled a Hardeen,â she stresses, and Rexâs eyes snap shut with a tired groan.
âWho?â Leia asks, her own tumult of emotion paused in the wake of Ahsokaâs shock. Thereâs a hope and relief to her, and Ahsoka belatedly realizes that her main worry had been that sheâd misidentified what was going on, that sheâd given herself a false hope. Ahsokaâs internal reaction, her approval and awe at Lukeâs presence, had trickled over enough to give Leia the reassurance sheâd needed.
Unintentional as it was, Ahsoka was glad that sheâd succeeded in helping her charge.
âEr...â she trails off. âI donât know what name heâs going by, right now. Weâve spent so long in hiding...â
âThe man Luke knew as Crazy Old Ben,â Rex says, and Leiaâs eyes light up.
âOh,â she breathes. âGeneral O--no, names. The High General, then.â
âYeah,â Ahsoka says, not a little soft. âYeah, I guess death didnât stop him any more than it stopped me.â
âI could have told you that,â Leia says, smiling far too widely. She squirms where she still sits on Quinlanâs lap. âHe was... he taught you, right?â
âAs much my master as the official one,â Ahsoka says. She glances as Quinlan, feels Maulâs gaze on the back of her head. âYour f... my official master was very young when I was assigned to him. He wasnât ready to teach, wasnât even ready to be a knight, entirely, so my training was split between him and his master.â
Quinlan pops in at that moment, âYour grandmaster was military, too?â
We all were, she thinks. Even you, in your own way.
âI landed in their care mid-battle,â she says carefully. âIt was a complicated situation.â
He nods, and she vaguely notes that heâs got his arms wrapped around Leia, and his chin tucked on top of her head. She isnât sure if Leiaâs noticed, but Quinlanâs picked up âbabyâ-sitting duty so often recently that sheâs fairly certain heâs all but declared her âlittle-sister shaped.â It doesnât matter that Leiaâs older--sheâs still taking the juice boxes and gummy snacks that Quinlan shoves at her every single snacktime.
âDo you think...â Rex trails off, something uncomfortable twisting in the Force, even though his face keeps it mostly hidden. âMy brothers. If the General survived and... and made it back...â
âI didnât feel any,â Ahsoka says, because she knows sheâd have noticed if it was anyone sheâd met, and likely any clone at all. They all felt different in the Force, but they all held a spark that made her know it was one of them. âIâm sorry, Rexâika.â
âA long shot,â he says, that dash of hope shriveling up. He must see something in her face, because thereâs a curl of warmth in him, even if his smile is brittle. âItâs fine, really. I have you, âSoka.â
Rex and Ahsoka. Two halves of one whole.
She canât wait to hear the lectures on attachment, the way people who havenât seen her wars try to criticize her for clinging to any chance at still having a will to live. She canât wait to see them justify telling her that itâs selfish to hold her sanity in her hands and refuse to let the grief take it away. She canât wait to stare someone down for asking her to âlearn to let goâ after sheâs lost her family, her life, her universe three times over.
Most of the Jedi are more sensible than that, are reasonable enough to see those shades of grey and how to approach rules in the spirit they are meant instead of the rigid letter, but there will be some.
There will be more than enough telling her she is wrong to hold her oldest, closest, best friend as dear as she can.
Attachment, theyâll say.
What theyâll mean is âcodepedence.â
They wonât be entirely wrong.
She reaches out for him, lets him fall into her side and stay there, closes her eyes and reaches out for the man sheâd long called father, when theyâd still been in each otherâs lives.
This time, past the deafening flare of surprise-love-hope of the little star next to him, she can feel him reach back.
---------------------------
The second the ship has landed, even before Tholme and Fett are done with the checks, Ahsokaâs waiting at the exit. She strains her hearing so sheâll know the second the system will let her open the massive door of the cargo hold.
Leia clings to her side, and the boys stand to her back.
Quinlanâs stressed enough that she can feel it like a cloud. She is very much not trying to feel that stress. Quinlanâs stress levels, back where heâs got Maul so he can keep an eye on Ahsoka and the Baby Sith at the same time, are so low on her priorities list that itâs a a little sad.
It doesnât take long for her to be able to punch the button and open the damn door.
It opens slowly. She bounces on her toes, because thereâs a beacon of light and a steady, familiar glow on the other side, and sheâs so, so close. She canât see through the crack yet, because itâs day in this part of Coruscant, and the sunlight is blinding against the dark of the hold. So close. Sheâs so close.
âThe hellâs wrong with you?â
Fett? Fett. Heâs already here to get off? This doorâs slow.
She doesnât answer him, because the door is finally open enough to let her out, and she leaps through the gap.
She lands on a pourstone floor, feels pebbles and grit compress under her boots, frantically looks around as her eyes adjust to light and--
The High General, the Negotiator, Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, looking just as he did when she first met him, if a little less armored and a little more fed. The hair, the beard, the crinkle in the corner of his eyes. His spirit is a little older, his smile a little more strained, his posture a little more tired, but itâs him.
He spreads his arms, low enough that she could have dismissed it if sheâd cared less for hugs, except sheâs almost as small as she was when they met.
And every other hug sheâd given back then had been, functionally, her being a living missile aiming her montrals for someoneâs organs.
Sheâs a little more aware of how to avoid stabbing her friends in the intestine now.
âMaster!â
She sprints for him, collides and sobs, feels him stumble back and then sink to his knees on the too-hard floor, and can feel the tears pouring out of her already. Her breath hitches, and she wails like a child, and that last part of her that couldnât even grasp at safety shreds itself. His arms are tight around her, warm and strong and Master Kenobi donât you dare leave again.
It doesnât matter that Sidious is out there, that the Republicâs been building towards war for a century, that even now someoneâs kicking up the Trade Federation. Her dad is here.
âIâve missed you too, my dear,â he says, pressing a kiss to the side of her head, the bristles of his beard scratching along the skin of her forehead. Off to the side, the binary suns that are Luke and Leia grow brighter in proximity, so bright she can barely bear it.
(âFett, why the kriff are you reaching for your blaster?!â)
(âTorrent said her master tried to kill her.â)
(âDifferent guy, that was a different guy, put the blaster away.â)
(âYou could have just warned me.â)
(âI didnât expect you to go for a shot on sight!â)
(âCalm down, Jetiika, if I was going to shoot on sight, weâd already be in a firefight.â)
She ignores everything.
âIf you fake your death one more time, I swear Iâm going to kill you myself.â
He tries to pull away to talk to her more directly. She does not let him. He apparently resigns himself to this, because he just adjusts how heâs sitting and pulls her in closer.
âIn my defense, I was far from the only one presumed dead that took advantage of that status, by the end,â he says, letting her slump into his lap and cry herself dry. âIâm proud of you. You know that, I hope.â
She nods against his chest, smearing tears and snot across the linen and wool. She doesnât care that theyâll need a thorough washing. She can have her public breakdown and itâs fine because Master Kenobi is here.
He doesnât even know what sheâs spent the past fifteen years doing. Luke wouldnât have known. He doesnât know sheâs thirty-two and broken, beyond a shadow and cut down by her own master. Thereâs so much he doesnât know but the Force rings with the truth of it: heâs proud of her anyway.
âIâm going by Ben, now,â he mutters against her montral. âThereâs already an Obi-Wan here, after all. Still, I remain a Kenobi.â
She canât make the words come out of her mouth. Sheâs overwhelmed, so much so that speech is a mite bit beyond her.
Sokari Torrent, she presses along the frayed bond thatâs knitting itself back to life with every breath they take. Leia was already calling me Auntie Soka, and Rex and I both took Torrent, for...
âFor the men you lost,â he mutters. âYes, thatâs fitting.â
He smells like sapir tea and a spiced beard oil.
Thereâs a whirl of activity about her, greetings and âa Sith apprentice?â and introductions. She distantly notes when Fett almost shoots Dooku before Rex shuts that down and advises the Master to leave the area before things spiral out of control. She feels Ben stand, and she stands with him, clings to his side like a child and trusts that whatever happens, whatever needs to happen, heâll take care of it until she can stand on her own two feet without swaying.
Rex grabs her free hand, and she feels herself settle back into her skin, bit by bit.
Sheâs back at the Temple. The twins are safe. Her grandmaster is here. She has her other half.
They can save the galaxy this time.
Sheâs alive sheâs home sheâs okay.
Sheâs okay.
Everythingâs going to be okay.
#Ahsoka Tano#Captain Rex#Leia Organa#Jango Fett#rex and ahsoka#Quinlan Vos#Tholme#Depa Billaba#Obi Wan Kenobi#Ben Kenobi#Maul#Darth Maul#time travel#de aging#ptsd#trauma#child soldiers#Phoenix Files#Uncle Ben and Little Luke#Auntie Soka and Little Leia#disaster lineage
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I can imagine ler!spencer giving really gentle, soft tickles after an autistic lee has a meltdown. Only with their consent, of course, since sometimes people touching after a meltdown is very upsetting. And heâs very soft and sweet about it, not his usual teasy self bc he knows youâre feeling emotionally sensitive and đ„ș
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- THIS IS THE FIRST THING I READ POST-NAP AND I'M HAPPY STIMMING!!! LIKE FULL ON HAND FLAPPING HAPPYYYY (now turned foot tapping while I type) /gen /pos đđđđđ
This idea makes my heart so soft and just reading about this concept makes me feel so SAFE /gen /pos
Meltdowns are so fucking hard to navigate (I usually end up in a nonverbal shutdown right after, which is either oddly comforting, or it feels really scary T-T) and I love this headcanon because Spencer would be so understanding and supportive đ„ș /gen Get ready I'm gonna infodump because this headcanon makes my heart flutter /pos
I can see him softly asking if he can be close by to give you some support, and if you need total space he'll respect it. If you affirm that you want him close by, he'll quietly take a seat next to you. Spencer's very attentive and he can quickly pick up on whether or not an autistic lee goes nonverbal. Following that, I can see him asking them if they need a pressure hug or hand squeeze (squeeze hugs are so comforting but I have to be the initiator. Being touch starved AND touch averse is such a nightmare cycle)
If you feel any embarrassment or shame about the meltdown, Spencer will calmly and very sweetly combat those feelings of shame. I can see him giving an encouraging infodump and reminding you that your meltdowns (or shutdowns, or both) are a response to sensory overwhelm and that you should never be made to feel that there's anything wrong with you, especially when at times you're having to navigate a neurotypical environment that doesn't accommodate or cater to neurodivergent people.
He'll always make sure you're in a little bit better headspace before he asks if you'd be okay with tickles đ„șđđŸđđŸ And if you aren't, he'll say that's okay and tell you he's proud of you for communicating that boundary to him (I struggle so bad with setting boundaries so this would be reaffirming and reassuring T-T)
If you are okay with tickles, he'll give the sweetest lil smile and slowly lift his hands and playfully wiggle his fingers, at which point if you already crack a smile or a giggle slips from your lips, Spencer's gonna grin and tell you how happy he is to see that smile or hear that laugh. He'll ask you if it's okay to go for a certain tickle spot and will continue to ask before he changes the spot he's tickling. The tickling is so soft and gentle and the entire time he's doing so, he's giving you encouragement and reassurance and telling you that you're safe, you're loved, you're strong; all the kindest, most caring words because he really wants you to be happy and it hurts his heart when you feel embarrassed, or sad, or scared, or ashamed. He really cares about you đ„ș /gen
(Look at this honeybun's smile oh my GOD đđ€)
And everything he says is completely void of a teasing tone. It's just so playful- and sweet and he's reminding you that whenever you want him to stop he'll stop
"There's that wonderful smile!"
"I'm really glad you're giggling again~"
"Are you all tickled out? No? Okay. I'll keep going."
"No more tickles? Alright. Is there anything else I can do to support you right now?"
Spencer loves seeing you slowly start to happy stim when he's tickling you, and just grins more and more as you happy stim more intensely (he knows how you stim when you're distressed vs when you're happy) and he can physically see you slowly but surely recovering a little more and feeling a little better đ„șđđđ
AHHHHH YOU'VE GIVEN ME SO MUCH INSPO FOR THE SPENCER FIC SERIES đ„ș Thank you, Scarlet â€ïž /gen /pos
This headcanon has brought me so much joy and I'm gonna be thinking about it all week đđ /lh /pos
#sugar-rambles#sugar-answers#sugars' nd rambles#sfw tickle blog#sfw tickling community#ticklish!reader#nd!reader#nd tickles#neurodivergent tickles#ler!spencer#autistic!reader#amazing-headcanon-submissions
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